Jul. 14th, 2016

mizarchivist: (Glam at 40)
Today's session (ref to session 1 and session 2 here) focused on improving assertiveness.

This is what we reviewed/ I learned )

So what does this mean for me?
I am dealing with some bone-deep default settings that swing me into passive land. It never occured to me to question this as a problem or something that needed evaluation. It's how I've always been, as far as I know.  So, on a good day, I will think to check in and not assume things, but when I'm having a bad day and feeling insecure, frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, it's easy for me to fall into traps: Don't be a nuisance; If someone's engrossed, they don't want to be bothered; Carry all that emotional labor and then some.  It was hard to come to the realization I was sabotaging myself (oh look: making judgements about my sense of self rather than seeing it as revising skills...) I am getting over that initial reaction. Bring on the skills!

BIG GOALS:

  • stop being afraid of others' potential anger or disapproval and find out what's really going on.

  • be fully present when listening to someone (I will rehearse, judge, problem-solve, or placate pretty easily)

  • advocate for myself if I feel like I'm not being heard

  • do not deny my own needs for so long I go into crisis and can no longer talk effectively.

Self care is awesome!!

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