mizarchivist: (Default)
[personal profile] mizarchivist
I had noted, like you do, that I'd not seen a friend on social media for a while. Someone I went to college with and lives in Florida now. So, when I saw her post to a mutual friend's page, I reached out to her with a oh hey- was thinking of you, miss you. It was a bit odd, we had been connected before but no longer friends on FB. So, I rerequested. I woke up the next morning to a long message from her detailing some stuff that was really hard to read. I guarantee it was harder for her to live. Our overlapping time was one that was full of bad stuff for her and some toxic relationships within the group we were both active. I did not have this experience, although I  managed to rack up a fair bit of damage and lessons learned without managing to overlap with the crux of her damage. She has been working on herself, getting healthy, making better choices, and apparently that involved clearing the decks of a lot of folks associated with that time, place, and group. I was not responsible for her hurt, but there's no way I'd be anything but a reminder of it. I deeply understand the need to protect yourself and not maintaining connections.  And I guess our friendship was past tense for a while. I didn't realize it was so, not until yesterday. In that time and place, she was important to me. I am deeply sorry that she experienced negativity and abuse. So I wished her well, expressed regret that she had such pain, and said goodbye.  I listen to Dan Savage every week and one of his themes is that not all relationships last forever, and that's OK. That it's unrealistic to only call those relationships that end with one person burying the other successful. Just because a relationship ends (romantic or otherwise) does not mean it did not have value. And after a night's sleep I have reasoned that our differing opinions about the core nature of our shared group would make it hard to maintain a friendship - she sees it as a cesspool built for abuse. I see that she was grossly taken advantage of, that this is true for her, but it just isn't true for me. Also, I really don't want to be a living reminder of bad times for someone. I've quietly missed her for 20 years. Missing her is akin to missing my young adultness and my time in school. ::shrug:: ... moving on...
Date: 2017-05-11 03:05 pm (UTC)

pygment: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pygment
HUGS I so know this.
Date: 2017-05-11 06:51 pm (UTC)

drwex: (Default)
From: [personal profile] drwex
*hugs* I sometimes wonder what would happen if I reconnected from people back in Those Times of my life. Then I don't.

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