mizarchivist: (Butterfly)
(pulled from FB b/c it's close enough)
The care and feeding of a vending artist:
Thank you for coming! It may seem easy and fun and like a party, but I am rarely able to focus on any one person during the event. I'm pretty much working. It's fun work, but I only do this one or two times a year and it's my opportunity to make back the money I sink into my art.
1. Please don't socialize in front of my table. Step to one side so the shy / stranger can walk through.
2. Don't feel bad if you can't buy something. You don't have to justify your choices. I'm just glad to see you
3. Don't feel slighted if I can't talk to you. I need to be in retail/host mode.
4. By all means ask if I've remembered to eat. / help me get a snack if I need it.
5. By all means spread the word about Arlington Open Studios 2016.
mizarchivist: (Bookworm hides)
Last night a guy murdered a bunch of people in Nice, France. This following last week's tragedies with police shooting citizens, and citizens shooting police.

I am unable to feel this latest one yet. So, working on self-care:
-Ate breakfast
-brought food and water to homeless in the Common
-allowed myself some hours at work to just be
-now going to focus on some real and useful work that needs doing.
-going to listen to some very chill music
-connecting with friends and hearing how they are

What is your self-care right now?
mizarchivist: (Fingers Crossed)
It was haircut and dinner with [livejournal.com profile] drwex this week. This has been an excellent new tradition that guarantees we have an activity to look forward to every other month that gets us out of our hermit and day to day pattern: go feel good about our hair style with Dale at DHR, then catch up over dinner. Win.

He was a most excellent human and was game for me to walk through my anxiety and frustrations on how to adult and how to talk like an adult (and lately? Feeling like I was failing at that)  My go-to for conflict resolution was to use "I" statements. These are better than accusatory "you" statements, but still do not lead the listening party to necessarily feel heard or feel like they have an active role in the conversation.  So, what instead?  He's done a lot of work lately and was able to share what he's figured out. So, a list of things to do instead...

  • Identify common goals. Frame issues in that way in "it will help me meet our common goals if you can help me with..."  And/or see if something can be agreed on "We may not agree on X but do we at least see that Y is something we want?"

  • Listen to what the person is telling you and echo back what they say

  • Ask them if that's right

  • Find out what they need to move forward (and meet goals)

  • BATNA: Best alternative to negotiated agreement. I'm still struggling a lot with how to sort out my BATNA for any sort of situation. I understand that deploying a BATNA is rarely fun or good, but that it's important to feel like you have a choice, and that sometimes the BATNA is just that: the best alternative.

  • In the meantime, do not lose focus on the victories.

  • Progress is not a straight line up and forward. Expect sometimes it won't work out

  • (therefore) Do not expect to be able to have my new tools work for me each time. Be willing to implement bits piecemeal.

  • Remember my OWN advice to myself: be patient and gentle with yourself and others.

Source for most of these suggestions

I want to treat this as a reminder to myself, this post. If anyone wants to clarify or add, if I think it'll work for me, I'll edit them in for future reference.
These tools are my security blanket. It gives me hope and makes me feel like I'm not a horrible incompetant who's just making everything around her worse. So, Wex: you are the hero of the revolution. Mwah!
mizarchivist: (Boxes)
I should be writing up my notes from the last 2 days, but I've been on IM instead and generally feeling emotionally flayed from all the interacdtions and eye contact. So much has happened that I think I can only do the big overview and then I may be able to add stuff later, but if nothing else if you are interested in a particular thing, feel free to ask me to elaborate. Possibly even in person, if I ever come  out of hiding after I get back home.

  • The childhood friends: all 3 in one place with me for a mini reunion that defies superlatives.

  • Losing my internal sensor almost immediately upon arrival (primarily from that mini reunion)

  • Marathon day at the conference, hitting later afternoon and experiencing this surreal state of cascading epiphanies and clarity.

  • Writing the draft to an article I want to expand on describing the big deal stuff going on with work project(s). More to the point, having encouragement from Leader In Field suggest I write it

  • Diving into twitter, gaining almost double the followers I had last week (36 to 61? It's odd)

  • Getting a ton of support from a ton of people who are more convinced of my capacity than I am

  • Lots and lots of good learning moments

  • Rock n Roll hall of fame visit

  • Visiting with [livejournal.com profile] jedipartner1967 (short short form: home from hospital, doing super well!!)

  • The kid and his grandpa and the extended time together while the wimmin folk worked

  • Looking forward to a low-key social on Sunday in the back yard

  • Looks like Grace and Amy will be visiting me in Boston in November. That's going to be epic. Prep the bail money now.

OK. That'll have to do for now.
mizarchivist: (River/KillerBrain)
(C&P from Facebook with several additions and edits)
Some of you may find this relevant to your own posting experience. Some of you may find this educational. I hope to spark thoughtful debate. OK, here we go:

If I post a picture of something that I have made with my own hands, particularly if I call out the degree of "I made this from scratch," please take extra care before you hit the comment button.

  • Is your comment relevant to the obvious reason for posting?

  • Are you someone who is familiar with what goes into this activity?

  • Are we super-duper close friends where you have a good idea that your jokey comment will be heard in the way you meant it?

  • Are you following Wheaton's Law?

... I realize I could have just started with the final ticky box and it sort of covers it all, but bear with me.

The context to this is that there has been a trend where one or more of those ticky box answers was "no" within my comment stream to my posts in Facebook. And given how much energy I've expended just today thinking about this, I felt it worth saying using my Out Loud Voice.
Historical context about why I'd go on about this...
Read more... )Hey, look... this turned into a conversation about consent! Yaaai!
Very specific not-on FB context:
Read more... )
Anyway. TL;DR: Please show some etiquette. I'm rewriting my default. I will not sit idly by if there's a lot of static on future posts. I will try to do so with thoughtfulness, which is all I want out of this in the first place.


mizarchivist: (Default)

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