mizarchivist: (ESDO)
Whenever it's [livejournal.com profile] primal_pastry's birthday, it reminds me that my labor started on her birthday. We are days away from my child's birthday. I have complex emotional reactions. Excitement at the celebration, remembered anxiety of the act of labor, startlement that my child is this small human that's not so small.  This year we're combinging forces with [livejournal.com profile] woodwardiocom and [livejournal.com profile] buxom_bey since Roo's birthday is only 3 days behind Crime Fighter's. According to my conservative estimates, we're going to have about 60 people there. I'm excited and terrified by that, but mostly OK. It's easier now that The Kid is easier to contain, will likely stay where he's supposed to and not just TAKE OFF like when he was 2.

So, yeah. Maybe more introspection, but for now, have a photo montage....Cut for bandwidth. Have some pictures! )

Gulp. The progression. It makes sense. Just 2 sequential years next to each other makes sense, but in total is staggering for me.
mizarchivist: (Coffee)
Life decreed I would wake up a bit after 6, but I was AWAKE, so it's OK. I like the idea of sleeping in.
The kid got up by 6:30.
Dropped his compass in the toilet. Could have been worse, it floats, but still gross.
We have a clock for him that changes colors when set. His turns green at 7, which is when he may ask for cartoons.
But we're both up now, and he's proto-reading some "classical" books... I'm not sure what makes them classical. That they aren't comics? That they are old? The answer remains hazy. But he's reclining sideways in the comfy chair out here, doing the 4 year old version of reading.

Jaime's off to help her deceased bff's widow with a project she doesn't want to do. I wish her luck on that... I am hoping she will feel like she can advocate for herself today.

Feh. I had something else I was going to share, but it's fled.
mizarchivist: (Angst Queens)
I got my second session with Stephanie at the doctor's office on stress management. My first session is documented from 2 weeks ago. I've been doing a pretty good job integrating the first bit of homework

  • Puff ball prize seems to be working. I've adapted the original idea slightly. The every day jar is smallish jam size (1 1/4 cups?), which is a bit over a week to fill. About 2, I think? He's lost a lot of puffs, so hard to say. From there, we will empty that into a quart size, hopefully month-ish. There will be another prize when that gets filled. When the quart is filled, it goes into the gallon (ish) size, which is the year. The ultimate goal is going to Hawaii! He can "earn" his way to the tropical paradise. We'll see how it plays out, but so far the collective familial opinion is that this is a good system.

  • Focusing on effective over right

  • Being careful not to capitulate (subset of previous point)- so, if I'm saying NO that remains no.

  • Have been doing the Headspace-lead meditation. I actually started it over again after comleting the 10 day course yesterday (I was not hitting it on weekends, but hey, some is better than none)

  • Kid has provided some thoughts on rewards for good behavior. Our beach trip Sunday will be his first, as he filled the "week" sized jar

  • The "say it once" has been the hardest, I think. The kid can argue like woah. I will keep on it.

This week was dealing with cognitive distortions. This is a concept that I've delved into in the past. I know that [livejournal.com profile] lifecollage and I have discussed these brain weasels on more than one occasion. I've dealt with it with my niece, Laura, too. So, being reminded I fall prey to the weasels, too, and I can do something about it:

  • Notice I'm doing it

  • Stop and check in with myself what's triggered this

  • Answer the inquiries made above (ex: Would I say this to someone I love? ...No, of course not." Or, "What are my options? How would I like to respond?... " <- and answering that)

  • Relax and distract: go for a walk, meditate, focus on something else.

I had been working on dealing with this before Stephanie and I even met. I found that the walk wasn't quite enough, that when I was able to really focus on a task that I enjoyed or at least felt very competant to complete, that it was miraculous.
This was a great session. I walked in feeling very frustrated and left feeling like I had real tools to get on with what I needed to do. I'm interested in talking offline with people on all this, if it comes up, by the way. Or in comments!
mizarchivist: (Glam at 40)
Today was the first visit at my doctor's office for stress management. Initially,exposition )work of the first session )
Problems to overcome )

positive reinforcement )

next steps )TL;DR? I need to reinforce my boundaries with my kid, learn to quit arguing with him, and do the hard work that needs to be done, otherwise it'll just get harder later.
mizarchivist: (Avatar- Don't fuck with me)
This kid... A great kid.  And very age-appropriate. Favorite thing these days is to say "yeah yeah yeah..." and then not do the thing I want him to do (like get up and get dressed). Then as soon as I try to implement consequences, he freaks out.  It's been 3 days in a row of this where my reaction has been dumping into anger in ways I find unhelpful. Well, OK, 2. Today I managed to walk back my irritatation. He was more interested in goofing off than getting ready, so I had to follow through on no trip to the coffee shop for [some treat, maybe a smoothie]. Maybe tomorrow.

It's just so freaking exhausting.  I was going to ask for reasurrance that this is required and it'll not always be like this, but looking back at dropping him off at school, he was fine. It also helped that Jaime didn't hammer where no hammer was required. That is a thing that actually makes me feel worse, when there's constant repetition from her, and the kid's not remotely listening the first time, will not listen the 12th time. Just stop. So, that was also good. Maybe tomorrow we can have our adventure morning at Kickstand.
mizarchivist: (Elmo)
I listened to the recent This American Life called "Birds and Bees" which discussed making babies, racism, and death. What adults say to kids, what kids say to each other. All these things are things I need to deal with at some point, and given the adventerous nature of my progeny, the death one is a theme for this week.
About why I am so angry and afraid when he runs that close to the road. Since apparently "Because I said so" is never ever going to be a good enough answer.
Tonight's: why we don't put plastic bags on our heads, ever. And what is breathing and why is that important.

My 3 year old answer to what is death-
your body stops working and then you're gone and you never come back because you are dead. I'm not gussying it up. Not "pass on" or "pass away." I've never been fond of those euphamisms. Ech.

It's awful. But also?? How about we not put plastic bags on our heads and not run headlong at traffic?!

On the plus side, I'm trying to be more mindful about being way more present and playing with him. He's getting great at playing Spot It. Our Calvinball version of it at least. And he's learning about the concept of Time Out in the sense of "done with that/too much" aka, kid safe-word.
mizarchivist: (Eddie-Cake or Death?)

[I acknowledge here, I am reinventing the wheel-- I’m mostly writing this for my own remembering later]

When they say 3 is hard, I don’t think you can quite comprehend that on a bone-deep level until you find yourself arguing with your mini-me over the most ridiculous shit. The thing I’ve come to learn is for every “no” I say, he will always be able to come back one more time. The energizer bunny of argument (This isn’t an argument, this is abuse!... oh lord, so true)

I'm going to ramble for a while about parenting now. )Please let my new leaf stay turned. I hated Sunday.
mizarchivist: (TigerFamily)
So, Crime Fighter was so happy that uncle [livejournal.com profile] fubar was back and everyone was at dinner last night: an attentive audience.
He wolfed his mac & cheese and decided it was time for interpretive theater and was a bat. This involved stompily running back and forth, flapping his arms emphatically... then doing a handstand on the recliner. We had been cautioning him not to run in the house, partially because he's that much more likely to slam into something, but also because he's the tiniest elephant and stomps more than runs. We don't like to antagonize our downstairs neighbors more than we must. So, we suggested he run fly more slowly, which he did. Note to self... don't ask him to stop running, just run more slowly next time. I desperately wish I'd had my recording device handy, and I'd just show you, but I chose to just experience it unsullied. Besides, he'd have had to start over to catch it all.

In other developmental fun,

  • he's able to count from 1-20, but skips 13 and does 14 twice.

  • able to identify the number 1, which he will identify whether it's a 1 or a capital sans font i. We have a dirty/clean magnet for the dishwasher, and so slowly picking apart the context clues for which is which when written.

  • vocabulary is getting very fun- "maniacal" and "delicate" featured over the weekend. In correct contexts.

  • colors are starting to come together, but slowly. Red = stop(light)

  • no love on the potty training front

  • working on problem solving and dealing with difficult physicalithy (like pinching open a change purse)- he says it's too hard and he's just too little. Mmmmhm, right. We'll get there. I'm very keen on him getting more resiliant on this point.

  • lots and lots of snuggles. At least for me. We are gently forcing him to diversify his comfort, as sometimes the mama isn't going to be home, you know.

  • I've mostly given up on trying to make him eat diverse foods. I just keep making mac & cheese figuring someday there'll be less contention overall and I can push the eat more colors of food. He at least likes broccoli and doesn't demand hot dogs for every meal.

  • He's also disinterested in independent play or following a string of instructions... or sitting still in school.

We've been saying his spending his hit points on dexterity and charisma and not so much with intellectual pursuits lately. So, if you need to con anyone or climb a wall in your next adventure, he's your guy. Just don't make him read that spellbook. Yet. He'll get there.
mizarchivist: (Dork)
[livejournal.com profile] asciikitty and I had a date last night, which is rare! We are often quietly doing stuff together at home, but it's not the same as going on an adventure.
Warby Parker and Fluevog did not provide enticing retail therapy; not true for ascii who left with two pair of very-good-for-her shoes. Win! Thai food: win! Fiddle player as opening act, part of Ani's backup band, a fiddle player named Jenny who was good enough to have me get her CDs at the intermission.

And Ani.
Oh, my Ani. There was a time when I'd be sure to catch every show she had in my town. She was at the pinnacle of my muscial temple from the moment listened to her my senior year of college and long into my time in Boston. But as the political landscape darkened, her music did, too. It was music that was needful and good to make, but not the music that spoke to me. But I'm ridiculously loyal. I haven't missed many albums in the intervening 12 years since my interest diverged. I'd still go to most shows, but the previous two times, concerts at the Orpheum were... just not great. I left feeling grumpy not elated. Going this one more time felt a bit like a gamble.
I don't know... times changed? Venue (Berklee not Orpheum, and no booze on site... and Berklee instills in it a sense of reverence for music. In my opinion), time passing, median age of audience leaning way more towards 40 than 20 (yay), and that she'd not been out on the road for a while following a second child arriving.

She walked out onto the stage and .... I forgot how tiny she is. I forgot about that boucy gait, the mad glee, the energy that bursts from her and then a bit more with restless feet under the hot lights- The ridiculous jokes that start in the middle, that she almost doesn't tell but then can't help herself. I didn't know how deeply I missed all that, being in her presence, til she was there again and I regained a part of myself I hadn't realized had faded so far into the background that it almost wasn't there at all. A layer buried deeply under the person I am right now. She played Not a Pretty Girl then You Had Time for the first two songs, and at the first chords of You Had Time*... and the realizations tackled me and lo, I wasn't wearing anything I couldn't wipe my hands nose on. Thankfully.

I wasn't sure I could feel THAT way again, because where Ani was musically was just so far off... but now with two kids and who knows what else, her perspective and mine have so much more overlap. And my sense of activism is stronger than it was 7 years ago. Meeting in the middle? Her mom-stories just made me cackle... and her energy, that of a kid with a day pass to go play with her friends after long confinement. Her son is a year and a half now, and this is her first tour since he arrived. All that creative energy was diverted for all that time, and then let loose, she's just compulsively creating. (I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that, nope, not at all) She shared a song that she had only finished that morning, and apologizing too much for not just playing the old stuff.  But she did play older stuff, thank the goddesses. It really was a gift, to have her let me have my nostalgia, and to give me a window into where she is now with her boundless enthusiasm and glee.

All this to say: I will be buying her new album(s).

*video from her September tour this year, so you get a bit of talking first, a feature not a bug for me)
mizarchivist: (Angst Queens)
So hard. Weaning toddlers vs. weaning infants/babies. "Oh great, we can talk about this... OH shit, we have to talk about this..."
I'm feeling badly that I'm the one calling it off, not him. He's sad. He's been acting out for who knows what else, but I figure that is one of them. And he's (almost) 3. A combination of I try to pick my battles and I feel badly for being the one to cause a sad for him makes mornings like today extra hard when he's not listening, he wants TV. No. So he goes up and wakes up fubar to try to get it instead.

NO. I said no. I meant no. This is not an opt-out decision. It may feel like a "cuz I say so" reason... and part of it is, but also, we don't get to watch TV whenever we want when we are pre-schoolers. This is a place where getting used to finding something else to do when your first request is denied needs to get into his patterns. Also? Let me tell you how I am NOT ok with the pattern of what I say and what my limits are as the Boss Of Him are flatly ignored. I'm doing this work now so I don't have to do it at 5; at 12; at 18..... (oh toooo laaaate!). The whole multi-adult household can be great, or be a fantastic resource to exploit when you are a very small and cute creature who wants one more episode of Dinosaur Train.

At least it's not surprising behavior. It's very age-appropriate. I'm going to have to get used to this limit being pushed.

Note: I wrote most of this at 9am this morning. It's now almost 5 and I'm OK now. Just another thing to work on and coordinate with the adults of the house. S'alright? S'alright.
mizarchivist: (If I were in Animae head 2 toe)
This week is full of not-normal stuff.

[livejournal.com profile] fubar and [livejournal.com profile] asciikitty are off to the UK, back later next week

[livejournal.com profile] quiet_elegance was called in to help finish a job out in Newton (above the new Wegman's). This is how it works: get a call, check out the site, go to work the next day. Boom. Just like that. It's in a medical complex, which is kind of a specialty for QE. He's worked in almost every facility on Longwood at this point. But end of job means zomg, get R duuun (10-12 hour days). But also wraps up over the weekend.

Have you done the math? Suddenly, I'm at home for some temporary solo parenting. Excitement!! I was expecting to be more wrung out, but then again (knock wood), nothing's really gone pear-shaped yet. I'm thankful that the weather's not gotten too soggy because bike-commuting is my preferred method. Double-plus good, the trailer can stay at the school during the day. I'm headed to a mosaic class with [livejournal.com profile] red_canna and [livejournal.com profile] rintrahroars, and thanks to [livejournal.com profile] primalpastry, I didn't have to cancel. I love my tribe.

However, I realize I'm pretty much on my own all weekend.... Who wants to go on some adventures on Saturday? Breakfast playdate Sunday morning? Lemme know.
ETA: I'll confer with people in email on possible plans. :)

...ok! I think I'm covered now. Thanks!
mizarchivist: (CrimeFighterGrins)
Once again, the icon is woefully out of date, but he's changing so fast, it's hard to add a new icon that'll do him justice and last as long as his current pair of shoes.

School- Read more... )

Language/Cognition-Read more... )

Dexterity-Read more... )

Life balance-Read more... )

I could keep going.  I will just leave this picture here, though.
We acquired a ladybug rain coat and CARS rubber boots the next day. We are ready for puddle splashing. 
mizarchivist: (CrimeFighterGrins)
I realize I have not dedicated much space here to this amazing little creature who monopolizes so much of my time and energy.

Part of it is that there's so much to say and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts around it. Let's see if I can sort something out.
OK, this got long )

TL:DR- It's still hard, but getting to watch him skillfully climb playground equipment, come up with new words and concepts I'd not heard the day before- goofy tickle fights and chase games... Yep. The aphorism is true: every day is an adventure. I've somewhat failed to keep up with new pics. The tiger pics from around Halloween will have to do for now.
mizarchivist: (Calvin- Well adjusted)
... which of course is a load of crap. What is "normal?"
But you know what I mean, or will soon.

I keep finding little-ish things that I am able to reclaim, things I used to do that I did before a kid that better fits my internal landscape of who I think I am.

  • I've started wearing jewelry again. Not the fancy, intricate, hand-made (by me) beaded necklaces, but earrings and my more sturdy necklaces. The Kid may want to touch them, but he isn't just yanking at the shiny things. Also, he can say "Shiny," which is awesome.

  • I'm contemplating makeup. Not necessary, sure, but helps me feel more deliberate in my stylistic choices

  • ART. Guys? ART!! Clay. CLAY. CLAY! I'm sure the repetition, caps and bold would be enough for even the most unobservant that perhaps I buried the lede here. Specifically, I've started to experiment with a new jewelry notion: a toggle necklace/bracelet that uses jersey/t-shirt material as the connectors. I'm using Makume-gane style (check out this tutorial I just found. OMG, why am I not at home RIGHT NOW DOING THIS!!!). I also need to revisit how I finish the stuff.

  • Gym. Soon. As the weather gets less clement, I have plans to find a gym. Mornings are more flexible than they were once upon a time, so hopefully I can negotiate something a few days a week and do that proper cardio I've been skipping almost entirely for 2+ years.

  • Skating: I've only gone the one time. I want to do more though.

  • Hair cut. I really like the current cut. It feels very Me.

  • I must be doing well when I forget N times in a day I have therapy. Which is in 45 min. OK- I go. Bye!

mizarchivist: (Cancun)
It's been 14 years since [livejournal.com profile] quiet_elegance and I decided to make an official go of it.  This year he's gotten me a renewed, slightly used, but nicely broken in Commander in Chief. This is really preferable over a new one, because I don't like the OS that goes with Mittens.

Some snapshots from anniversaries past, courtesy of Live Journal:

2003-2011... )
2012- It's been an intense year of growth and challenge. Again, there's this kid. He's great and amazing and a lot of work.
My work has shifted remarkably over the past 12 months. I have a great part time office mate/colleague whom I adore. We have a development director, a new admin, and a new cataloger. The new outnumber the established and our activity is just spinning up and up and up. We have a lot to fix, though. So much growth so quickly, and we just don't have the infrastructure to deal a lot of the time. But I hope we'll get caught up and be even better for it.
And omg, Election Fatigue. I know all elections can be pretty exhausting, but this one felt extra vitriolic. I don't want to say the worst ever, because that seems unlikely. I'm hugely relieved that the president has been re-elected. I realize he's not perfect, but he will at least support (most) of the social issues that Mittens almost certainly would actively trash or allow his cronies to trash. 
[livejournal.com profile] quiet_elegance has had a rough year. We realized in April that it was most realistic for him to stay home and be the full time kid-care. He's also found that too many years of working in the field and deferring health maintenance has lead to a lot of catch up.  BTW: cortizone shots happen on 11/20. Hopefully this will be the tipping point for him. 

There's, of course, SO much more than just what I've said, but it's a snapshot. 
LOVE to my dear life partner (in crime). LOVE to everyone who voted yesterday and to our POTUS who'll be around for a few more years. LOVE to my friends and family who remind me that the world is full of wonderful people. People who like me! 
mizarchivist: (Bookworm hides)
I think I'm out of practice writing here. I keep reading - or at least skimming- my friends, but one day is much like another for me right now. A standard day--
I get up earlier than I like because my son is part bird and rises with the sun
Get the kid up and ready for his day 
Go to work: so. much. to. do
Rush home
Play with the kid, feed him dinner, put him to bed
Eat while I feed him, or after
Do ... something? for an hour or two before I go to bed

Generally speaking, this makes for feeling intensely boring. I have about 30-40 minutes of conversation to offer up on general topics, probably double that if we're adding in updates on what Crime Fighter's doing, and then... yeah. We're done with anything remotely interesting.   It's temporary, but it's the person I hoped never to be. I just didn't realize when I vowed not to Be That Guy, is That Guy is just doing the best s/he can with so very much limited resources. 

In sort of similar, somewhat dejected news, I feel like I don't have the energy to get my motorcycle out this season. I realize it JUST got nice, and I may well decide it must be brought out. But with so very little free time, I feel like (pedal) bike riding, art, and general social time wins out over (motor)bike and bike maintenance. The new neighborhood also means it's easier most of the time to take a bus rather than jump through the hoops of motoring. If I were more social, headed to further locations, didn't have 1 if not 2 cars at my disposal when going out to non-bus friendly places... yeah. Cost benefit just doesn't seem to weigh out right now.
I just know that being out on the bike makes me so very happy.  This must be another situation where being an adult is "tomplitated" to quote [livejournal.com profile] asciikitty. Dammit, I will some day. I vowed back in the day, I'd not give up riding just because I was a mom. 

Anyway. Hi. I'm here. I should write about going to NYC with the kid, but it's time to go home- so maybe next time.
mizarchivist: (Default)
I'm in the market to find a few more people, particularly daytime, to give [livejournal.com profile] quiet_elegance a break and/or when he has classes to teach (like the next two Tuesdays). 

IF you are available to be on the call list, please drop me a line: ljusername at gmail. 

I'm happy to take recommendations of people other than those reading this. 

Mar. 23rd, 2012 08:45 am

7 months

mizarchivist: (CrimeFighter7Wks)
Earlier this week, Mr. D. had two more teeth surface on the upper deck. That makes 6. I'm stunned. 
He's so close to pulling himself up, still not interested in forward crawling. His Nana said that [livejournal.com profile] quiet_elegance went directly to walking, so there's precedent. 
Ever since we gave up forcing baby oatmeal on him, he's been very keen on actually consuming -not just playing- with food. It occurred to me that my stricture against things in the cabbage family are now null given we are feeding him refried beans and broccoli and other things are in his future. We may as well get him used to cabbage-based food indirectly entering his ecosystem. Also, I miss all of them soooo much! 
I worked last Saturday, so I ended up getting a few hours of comp time, so I chose to leave work an hour early. I could rather get used to that. I get more comp time coming up because...
I'm going down to Wesleyan campus for a professional conference today and spending the night. This is my first time away over night and I'm feeling a touch anxious. He'll be fine. I'm not so sure about me. :P 
QE's been home mornings for a few weeks now, so the routine is that when it's time for morning naps - usually between 7:30 and 8- QE will settle the babe down on his chest with a blankie and they both chill out. However, QE's not here this morning, I am. I am more of the put Crime Fighter down and let him figure out this sleep thing on his own. This works pretty well at night, but mornings require snugglies! I got caught in the baby vortex. After all, I'm disappearing in a few hours until late tomorrow. I may as well enjoy. 

Anyway- that's the latest from the land of crime fighters. 


mizarchivist: (Default)

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