Building the tools of the mind

2018-09-13T13:17:10Z

"Why would anyone ever really like you"
"You call this a problem? Pfft. You're not dying of cancer, shut up"
"It could be so much worse"
"You can do one more thing"
"They're going to be mad"
"You're going to disappoint"
"Why do I have to be the one to arrange...[this logistic]"
"Best come up with Plan G just in case A-F falls through"
"Doesn't anyone else see this task that needs to be done?"
"If I don't do it, it won't get done"

drip
drip
drip

My weasels drip into my brain these drops of poison that perhaps once were there to protect me, or as best they could figure to protect me. But poison nonetheless. These thoughts manifest and pour over my skin, trying to sink back in. I siphon them off into the vessel that lives on a far up shelf in the basement, far away from being bumped and knocked over. I don't let them settle back into my skin. It's just a thought. It's not a truth. Put it aside until you can figure out how to remove the poison.

The anxiety lives in my jaw and in the space between my shoulder blades. It steals my breath and my distance vision.
I stop. I breathe, I squeeze the drops back out and put them back in the vessel and remember I'm not on fire. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to figure this all out RIGHT NOW.

**
I bought this vessel shown in the new icon on this post. It's the perfect representation for the one that I imagine when I'm sequestering these thoughts.
**
I'm resistant to hear people tell me "no, no, you aren't those things"-- I know. I know it intellectually. I feel a need to name them, but I am uncomfortable with people defending me and singing my praises as a way to negate what these thoughts convey. I'm not looking for a cookie or attention. I'm just naming them so I can have them not own me. OK? Thanks.

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mizarchivist

Building the tools of the mind