I'm Trying to Evolve

[mizarchivist]

In light of ongoing conversations about what to to about GamerGate, I've had more thoughts. Like in many big and uncomfortable conversations about various Isms, it's exceptionally easy to fall into an Us and Them camp. They're monsters. Trolls. Gorillas... something other than evolved and evolving human. I am not the first or the last to take the time to point out that dehumanizing and Them-ing is a fantastic way to perpetuate what's broken. The "them" get a free pass because they can't help it, can't possibly be reasoned with, change, find empathy, so why bother? ...
It's easy to go there. Just about the whole society is built around going there. Popular culture/movies/books they are all about big, dramatic stories with obvious villains and heroes. "News" outlets (ones that go ringading ding ding gering a ding ding, for example) will manufacture ways to make it us and them. In the heat of the moment, living with instant gratification of the internet? Sure, it's easy as hell to go there. So let's be subversive and not make that the first stop on the hyperbole train. Keep subverting that dominant paradigm.
Because let me tell you how we are all evolving. None of us are exempt from those moments of- not thinking something through, not comprehending the consequences of actions or attitudes. Let me tell you how I want to craw under a rock and never come out when I look back at how wholly ignorant I was about, say, being trans. But more than just that, on sexism and misogyny. On racism. (I could go on) I'm mortified by what I used to be. I would like to believe that I am a generally good person who is trying to do right by my community and myself. And I am grateful for the opportunity to NOT be that person I was 10 years ago. Or even 5 years ago. I'm grateful that my friends are willing to nudge (or bonk) me towards a more enlightened path. And I know I have room to learn more, I'm not remotely done. I realize not everyone will have the good intentions I believe myself to have. Or have the willingness to change. But when we start believing they are a Them and incapable of change, we're humped. And so are the younger set who have to keep cleaning up the messes we have been making on this earth.

Comments

[macthud]

Not specifically about Gamergate, but so much this. Thank you for putting likely better, certainly different, words around this than I do, will, have.

[mizarchivist]

::beam::
Thankee.

OK I'll buy this

[drwex]

but then what?

Regardless of whether we "other" these people it's not even a civilized conversation (yet). We're dealing with a group of people who are frothing at the twitter-mouth, sending death threats, rape threats, SWATing people.

This isn't me - Mr Big Fat White Privilege Guy - letting an *ism show or being ignorantly trans-phobic. This is people screaming hate in the faces of women for the 'crime' of daring to have and speak an opinion.

I get that it's a good idea not to Other them. But what do you do instead? And how do you deal with someone who's flinging acid while you're trying to have a reasonable chat?

I'm reminded of the debates I used to have with members of ACT UP! back in the day - what level of extreme reaction is justified when peoples' lives/livelihoods are threatened? How civil are the people (women, mostly) required to be while enduring that amount of hate?

I remain answer-less, but glad you took the time to write out your thoughts.

NFC... Maybe some C.

[mizarchivist]

I really don't know. The people actively involved in supporting the myth of GamerGate... I don't know. It's not going to change overnight, so it's a slow slog self-policing and speaking up when you hear conversation veering towards misogyny as you go through game-land, I suppose.

It's like this...
can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

Re: NFC... Maybe some C.

[drwex]

You win ALL the Internets...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yLg_bzwvxg

Re: NFC... Maybe some C.

[mizarchivist]

I might be playing to my audience where we can substitute "audience" with "Wex."

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

No, not just Wex. You've said some excellent stuff there in your post. I was mentally applauding as I read it.

My concern is that even among our chosen group, if we see someone we care about being clueless, do we take the time to call them on it? I'd hope that people would do this for me, but do I return the favor? Do I trust them and our friendship enough to say things that might not be welcome at the outset, but might help my friend grow?

I think I might be more on the receiving end of something like that; I don't often have the clue to see when my friends are being clueless. But I hope that we can grow in directions that allow us to be ready to step up to that plate. Like you said, we all like to think that we're generally good people. I suspect that the folks who are spewing hate think that they are good people too. Maybe that's a starting point of commonality?

[mizarchivist]

There's also a disconnect from ranting at a screen vs. saying it to someone's face. That we have this freedom to just go off in this medium with no structure, no authority figures or teaching moments of how to interact online N years ago - many of us going into internet land where our parents or teachers never went because it wasn't there. Then the landscape shifts so fast and allows for more access in more platforms: there's no safety net for "wow, you're off the rails, friend" the way that you would have gotten if you flipped out in the school hall. You know? So, technology is outstripping our parenting and mentoring.

We do need to say things now that we're seeing what happens when people are left to their own devices. It's the best thing we can do as one person trying to make a difference.