mizarchivist

[I acknowledge here, I am reinventing the wheel-- I’m mostly writing this for my own remembering later]

When they say 3 is hard, I don’t think you can quite comprehend that on a bone-deep level until you find yourself arguing with your mini-me over the most ridiculous shit. The thing I’ve come to learn is for every “no” I say, he will always be able to come back one more time. The energizer bunny of argument (This isn’t an argument, this is abuse!... oh lord, so true)

I find myself holding my breath. And that makes me more wound up. I just want him to listen, and he isn’t. It’s hard not to focus on the negative and get wrapped up in trying to keep things on an even keel, keep a schedule from going out the window... just trying to keep from being a walking-talking doormat.

I feel like Monday I tried to hit the reset button for myself, that after the degree of angry and frustrated I felt on Sunday, I needed to re-evaluate what the hell I was doing... So here’s what I’m trying out. I have NO idea if it’s going to work, but part of my goal is to be less angry. This may mean I get snowed a few more times.

Try to say yes as much as possible, particularly if it’s a “I want to do something with you” activity. Today’s example: wanting to play a game with me after he got up. 5 minutes of playing the matching Halloween game isn’t going to make me terribly late and gives us an opportunity to have positive interactions. And I may say yes without delivering on it immediately. But I am agreeing to the idea. [exceptions to yes as much as possible: no TV before school, no extra sugar for breakfast... nothing that breaks major safety rules.

Try to remember what the ultimate goal is for the moment at hand. Be flexible to get the job done.

Related- Pick your battles.

Yelling is the mind-killer. He stops listening if I end up yelling. I mean, safety notwithstanding... Of course, when I'm exhausted, hungry, and have heard "WHY?" 200 times in an hour, I may crack. But, he's not going to listen if I yell.

Be sneaky. This also relates to 2 and 3. If he freaks beause he can't tolerate the idea of a sandwich in his lunch, take out the sandwich. Then put it back when he's not looking. He feels he's won, and by lunchtime will probably not remember this was a problem. If he does, it's the teacher's problem, not yours (hahahahaaa). If he can't eat broken cheese stick, I promise him a new one... but in reality, toss the nub and present the remainder as a "new" one. Again, problem solved.

Five minutes of playing or doing as a transition to chores can work (related to #1), especially if I am playing with him. I got him to brush his teeth after playing with dinosaurs. We had to show Stan the Stegosaurus how well Crime Fighter can get ready for bed. This doesn't always work, but getting imaginative buy-in is still more fun than being a task master.

But don't get totally derailed. Try to circle back to what needs to be done. This kid is a con artist.

Do not engage if being asked for something that isn't happening. Say no once, then move on, possibly into another room and start doing other stuff. He will dig his heels in if you try to talk him down from his idea (usually tv-related)

Remember this little human's brain is still wrinkling. Also, it's possible to stay out of anger longer if you remember most of his acting out will be coming from hungry/tired/over-stimulated. This is cold-comfort when it's been 45 minutes, and he's not settling down to sleep, and you JUST WANT TO GO SIT AND WATCH AGENTS OF SHIELD ALREADY.

Adults need self-care!! Eat. Sleep. Pain management. Temperature management. Adult interaction. All these must happen. My melt-down on Sunday had a lot to do with uncomfortable clothes, not enough go-food, and both of us having a cold (mine was still very proto)

Please let my new leaf stay turned. I hated Sunday.