Words to make my skin crawl

[mizarchivist]

Talking to my MiL: "Sometime during your visit, we're going to have a family meeting..." Durrrrr. My insta-reaction is to create plausable deniability: "It wasn't me. I was dead at the time!" < /izzard > Apparently my sister in law has not been keeping up a stream of communication to fit Ma's taste. Um, I'll be ... over there. Far over there. I'll go watch the kids. Bye!! However, getting forewarning is a good indication I'm The Driven Snow (TM) in her eyes. I'd like to stay there.

Comments

[ahf.livejournal.com]

eeep. Talk about something to not look forward to.... Glad you are on her good side.

[dani-namaste.livejournal.com]

Oh, I so do that too—everytime there's a "we need to talk," "got a minute?" or any other iteration of that sentence, there's this fight-or-flight response that kicks in before I can recognize it. One of my strongest Personal Growth Points—trying not to jump on the defensive just because someone wants to open a line of communication.

From the other side...

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

Huh. I'm usually on the other side of that equation (=the one asking if he's got a minute), so my Personal Growth has been trying to find better ways of opening a line of communication without using a triggering phrase. So far, the clear winner is simply stating, "I'd like to find a time to talk to you about Foo Subject. Not now, but can we agree on Zee time?" This way, he's not on the spot to talk about it now, and he knows what's coming so he's not surprised by the topic later. I've declared that the topic is something important to me, and I've set a time frame for how soon I want to talk. Reading all those self-books has got to be good for something, ya know? ;^)

My current bugaboo is not starting with, "Can I ask you a question?" or "Can I ask you for a favor?" That seems to be the one phrase that slips past the internal censor. I'm working on it, though.

Re: From the other side...

[dani-namaste.livejournal.com]

that seems like a good plan of action. I think that we've been trained by society to get defensive when those phrases come up—I can definitely tell it's a gut reaction for me.

Re: From the other side...

[docorion.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, the two phrases you're stil trying to eliminate don't trip my "Run Away!" alarm, while "Can we talk?" (with no other explanation, such as "about Foo Subject, at Zee time", which helps me a lot), will fire up the Instant Panic generator. Instantly.

[mycroft.livejournal.com]

It just occured to me:

BiL = Boiled in Lead
SiL = Sizzled in Lead
FiL = Fried in Lead
MiL = Marinated in Lead

This explains so much about family relationships.

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Needed that smile.

[caulay.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that she thinks you're the good one.

*hugs* and much luck with the visit.

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

Wow, nothing like having a ring-side seat to family drama. The trick will be to stay The Driven Snow in Ma's eyes while not being the Cinderella to your "evil" SiL. I hope it all goes well.

[mizarchivist]

I think the key is not to talk much at all on the given topics to the players. MiL's preferred tactics are... well, a known quanity. The only way to keep sane is not to play.

[docorion.livejournal.com]

"Of course, should you or any of your M:I team be captured or killed, the Secretary will, of course, disavow all knowledge of your actions.

Good luck, Jim. This comment will self destruct in five seconds."

Seriously, I hope it goes well for everyone, including your hapless SiL, who apparently doesn't know there's an anvil coming down with her name on it, does she?

[mizarchivist]

She should be used to it by now. She knows she's not The Favorite and I think she really think the diplomatic maneuverings are worth it. She's also on the front lines while I'm in a nice safe rarely visted bunker

[drwex]

Aaah! Head for the hills time, for sure.

[quiet-elegance.livejournal.com]

What is truly firghtening is that I am usually the peacemaker in our family. What does that tell you about my family? My brother and his wife give my mother a run for her money in the bullheaded department.

Recently while talking to my brother he quiped in his 'jackass' voice that "I am going to be the favorite son."

"Really. Why?"

He responded "I am going to help your mother move into her new house"

I thought for a moment and then replied "you would be the favored son more often if your personality didn't get in the way"

He didn't disagree with me.