Warning!

[mizarchivist]

Do you enjoy a good fantasy movie that employs excellent CGI, complex camera work, sympathetic heroes, strong female protagonists, subtle and possibly can-see-where-they're-coming from enemies, interesting dialog, the useful implementation of powerhouse actors (like Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich), and an overall plot that doesn't rape and pillage the original book?

Yeah. So do I. Instead I was treated to a rendition of the suckiest suck that ever sucked a suck. aka, Eragon, aka Mr.-less-sympathetic-than-Annakin-when-he-killed-baby-Jedi.

I sincerely hope that caulay, my partner in pain, enjoyed my tourette moments as the movie progressed. I sincerely apologize to the people around me who might have actually been attempting to glean some enjoyment from that waste of celluoid.  If anyone finds a "15 Minute" or Secret Diary snark-fest point it my way. I would love to see what someone even more irritated than me has to say. 

Comments

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Like this?

http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/eragon.html

[mizarchivist]

A good basis, but lacking the fine levels of parody that "15 minutes" and "Very Secret Diaries" have perfected. Thanks, though- that sums up oh, about 1/10th of my problems with this movie :)

[slamonella.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, you paid money to see that crap? They couldn't even put together an appealing trailer and that's *never* a good sign.

[fidgetmonster.livejournal.com]

oh, sorry for the suckity suck, but you caused me to spewity spew the beer through the nose. :p

[mizarchivist]

Points to meeeeeee!

[caulay.livejournal.com]

And yes, the most enjoyable part of the movie was the tearing it apart afterward.

And luckily there weren't that many other people in the theater.

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

No snark found yet, but just so you know, the professionals hates it as much as you do:

http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/article/CA6401418.html

If you can't see it, let me know. And thanks for the heads-up about the suck. I'll wait for Transformers!

[mizarchivist]

Twas visible and entirely sums up my feelings in a much more calm manner. Nodnod

[drwex]

Thanks for the warning. I haven't read the book and was considering seeing the movie.

[mizarchivist]

the book isn't *bad*. It's very good particularly when you consider the age of the author at the time, but for your tastes, I expect somewhat to rather sophomoric. Skipping the movie I still feel hasn't been stressed enough unless you are going to use it as a drinking game.

[caulay.livejournal.com]

It would make a poor drinking game, as all players would be too drunk to lift their glasses before the first half-hour was over.

And if that's your intention, why bother with the movie?

[drwex]

I thought theaters out here frowned on drinking games in the seats. On the other hand, I know at least two theaters in Silicon Valley that offer lounge style seating with nice padded chairs and a decent menu including beer...

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the trailer failed to impress and I've yet to hear of anyone who didn't absolutely hate the movie. OTOH roozle and I both loved Casino Royale.

[caulay.livejournal.com]

Yes, Casino Royale (which mizarchivist also saw together) was very good. A very fine addition (or perhaps re-start) to the Bond mythos. I look forward to more movies like that.

But I won't be going near the Eragon sequels. Too painful.

[mizarchivist]

Yes- Casino Royale was worth seeing twice

[dani-namaste.livejournal.com]

well, it's not from those sources, but I found a lovely quote on Rotten Tomatoes:

"If you took all the dragon-centered movies ever made, and counted the good ones on your fingers, I bet you'd still have enough fingers left over to flip off Eragon as you walked laughing from the theater.
Eric D. Snider
EricDSnider.com

It was pretty much universally panned on RT. You can check it out at http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/eragon/

What really sucks is I probably won't have a choice - my best friend's 12-year old is obsessed with the books, and I said I'd take them for the holidays. ack.

Just a thought

[mizarchivist]

S/He's gonna be really upset with the butchery of it... I'd ask him/her to reconsider it.

Re: Just a thought

[dani-namaste.livejournal.com]

Good point. I'll see what he says about it... I might be able to at least convince him that it's worth it to wait until it hits the $3 theatre - that way I just lose a couple of hours, not a couple of hours and a couple of twenties.