Netiquette, let me show you it...

[mizarchivist]

(C&P from Facebook with several additions and edits)
Some of you may find this relevant to your own posting experience. Some of you may find this educational. I hope to spark thoughtful debate. OK, here we go:

If I post a picture of something that I have made with my own hands, particularly if I call out the degree of "I made this from scratch," please take extra care before you hit the comment button.

• Is your comment relevant to the obvious reason for posting?


• Are you someone who is familiar with what goes into this activity?


• Are we super-duper close friends where you have a good idea that your jokey comment will be heard in the way you meant it?


• Are you following Wheaton's Law?

... I realize I could have just started with the final ticky box and it sort of covers it all, but bear with me.

The context to this is that there has been a trend where one or more of those ticky box answers was "no" within my comment stream to my posts in Facebook. And given how much energy I've expended just today thinking about this, I felt it worth saying using my Out Loud Voice.
Historical context about why I'd go on about this... My experiences from grade school through to high school was, if I actually said "please stop" to a behavior in the hall/during extra curriculars, the response was more often than not: "you've shown weakness, let me now do nothing BUT that thing at you until I find a new thing to torment you with and get fresh tears of rage to feed my soul ::slather slather::" .... I may be dramatizing a bit, but you get the point. Hey, look... this turned into a conversation about consent! Yaaai!
Very specific not-on FB context:

in April, I posted a picture of myself in a newly finished knit. From yarn I made. And somewhere along the line, someone pointed out "U haz a stache, lulz!" (trick of photography, bit of a picture frame could be construed as moustache-like... NOT the point of the photo, guys). I, amazingly, was not amused and nuked every aspect of the post including the photograph from facebook. It's still over here, though.
Then yesterday when I posted a picture of my latest work, someone from the high school acquaintance set posted "looks like you have a beard, lulz." This time, I just deleted his comment, and private messaged "wow, that was very not-thoughtful." He replied a few hours later with a "guess we're done here, then" and we're no longer friends. I'm SO very OK with this.
ETA: Add to this, a second historical note: When I was in 7th grade, I was a tiny, highly muscled, active, flat chested, short haired creature whose ancestry clearly hails from the swarthy and fuzzy parts of Europe. I spent the whole year being interrogated if I was  boy or a girl. Thanks to new hormones, and the swarthy fuzzy genetics, I was gifted with a rather visible moustache that year. This did not help me deal with these inquisitors. In 8th grade, I wore makeup, had long hair, and bleached my upper lip. They stopped asking those questions, instead moved on to other and on some level more obnoxious queries about my personal choices. ::seethe::
Anyway...
Extra mad props to quiet_elegance who came home about 3 minutes after I read this trolling and was hugely supportive in the moment, then went out of his way to say A+ gold star stuff in his comment, which made me feel hugely valued and appreciated. Sadly, he's not likely to see this since LJ's not part of his social media diet. Further awesome and mad props to everyone else who followed his lead.
.... ::mental gears grind for a while::...
Huh. Well. Look! Lead by example. I love him so much.

Anyway. TL;DR: Please show some etiquette. I'm rewriting my default. I will not sit idly by if there's a lot of static on future posts. I will try to do so with thoughtfulness, which is all I want out of this in the first place.

Comments

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I saw that comment yesterday and I may have "like"d it before it was deleted. I'm sorry for that. I mean, I was impressed by and also liked the sweater, but I was clearly mistaken in the assumption that the joke-y comment was from someone who knew you would appreciate it. (I would not have made that comment there myself.)

[mizarchivist]

Yeah... not a friend on any level at this point, and I'm extremely glad to lose the dead weight there. Thanks for commenting here. I was pretty tunnel vision when I nuked the comment this morning and had not noticed any likes tacked on.

I'd like to think most people wouldn't go there with "hey, beard!" (which I think is a stretch, but I don't know how small the photo is on portable media... and still besides the point) and now maybe there will be 80-100% fewer from here on out.

[spinrabbit.livejournal.com]

Sonofabitching bastard.

[mizarchivist]

Certainly not my friend. And he's gone, no love lost. Would life were so easily trimmed in all aspects.

Mad props to the hubby-man!

[drwex]

++bonus points.

I'm glad you have people around you who love and support you. I send the glare of "I will kill you with my brain" at the ill-mannered. You know how gorgeous I think you are and how much I love taking pix of you. But maybe a reminder.

Re: Mad props to the hubby-man!

[mizarchivist]

It's been great to feel so supported, and this was in the grand scheme of things not a huge deal, but after the April incident? I was not interested in having it devolve again. You know?

[beowabbit]

I’m awfully sorry; I don’t remember exactly what, but I know I commented on that photo. I had no idea it would make you at all uncomfortable, since it was (in my head, anyway), just an amusing random thing about the photo and nothing to do with your appearance. (And I hope you know my high opinion of your apprearance!) Anyway, thanks for the clarification and I'll try to remember to be more careful commenting on your photos in the future.

[mizarchivist]

Thanks. And these have to do primarily with displaying examples of my work, you know? If you're actually commenting on the subject and not random side stuff (like lulz, stache!!... yeah, let's never there I guess) s'ok.

Does that make sense?
If you were referring to the April thing: well, it was a LOT of people who went there once it started. Which is odd, because it didn't happen here. There isn't much you can do after a certain point but nuke from space.

[beowabbit]

Does that make sense?

Insofar as I can see the connections when you lay them out, yes; it’s just not something that would have occurred to me on my own because to my mind “random side stuff” is about 99% of what poking around on the web is about and I personally wouldn’t want people to avoid making comments they thought were amusing on my own photos. But I certainly get that different people have different triggers and I will try hard to avoid yours.

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

His comment was insensitive and I am glad he is gone from your life.

It is a universally understood maxim that emails, facebook and the like do not convey jokes as well as in person. Therefore, don't be a dick and make jokes unless the commenter knows the person well and it is in the context of a larger joke that was shared previously. I am glad that you called him on it (whereas I would have hid and cried likely). His response was unacceptable as well. Anything other than "I am so sorry" is bullshit.

It is a good reminder to me, though, to really be careful about responding to anything. ::hugs::

[mizarchivist]

<3
Thanks sweetie