Manic Miz-A Brain Dump

[mizarchivist]

I'm having a good day. Manic, for sure... I am super-focused and when I start talking, I have a hard time stopping. But with all this positive energy, it's a huge rush! I suspect I'll crash out from all the expended mental energy before the end of the day, but right now it's totally worth it.

The major factor is that I had a hard interaction last night and the requisite hard conversations that were last night and again this morning. The content of that is not particularly important in this story, but what is was that I was able to express myself in the post-mortem clearly. I was able to indicate what I think went well and what I think was not healthy to the other person's choices. This is something that is monumentally hard for me to do, thanks to decades of conditioning and reinforcement.  I am not sure I have ever had such a clear-cut "victory" in using my words effectively on encouraging healthy communication and reinforcing my boundaries. My therapist (and how many of my friends? ::looks at lifecollage in particular::) has of course chided/encouraged me to do so, but fear won out pretty much every other time. What the fear doesn't want you to realize, is that if you actually succeed in doing the hard thing, you come out the other side feeling satisfied, vindicated... in my case today, feeling bullet-proof.

That bullet-proof translated into being excited and ready to work today. I managed to get most of this out (again, thanks to lifecollage who joined me for the commute in) so I didn't feel a compulsive need to write all this out first thing. So, I'm really happy with how much I've done with today. I've had unbelievably great conversations with my intern and my colleague's intern. I signed up for some professional development for June that I'm rather pleased by. I went out at lunch and bought replacement glasses. They'll look almost exactly like my old ones without the liability of being approximately 4-5 years old. Sadly, they were a bit too expensive for me to also get sunglasses at the same time. I will go to the internets for that.

Moral of the story: Don't let fear own you. When you get it right, it's really worth it on the other side of the brave thing.

Comments

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Most awesome!

[mizarchivist]

::high five::

[minkrose]

What the fear doesn't want you to realize, is that if you actually succeed in doing the hard thing, you come out the other side feeling satisfied, vindicated... in my case today, feeling bullet-proof.

So very, very true. I try to remember that lesson when fighting the fear. Sometimes it even works.

[mizarchivist]

Let us celebrate the SHIT out of the "sometimes."

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

*SNAP* *SNAP*

Take that fear!

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

<3 and yay!

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

Word. And judos.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

That's 'kudos'. Though actually, judos can work too.

[drwex]

*cheers* your words.

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

Kudos. Super hard stuff and you did it.