Yeah, I might be a bit preoccupied

[mizarchivist]

I told my coworkers I'd be out for a week in July because of nose surgery. In talking about the 6 day recovery estimate, I note that I'm going to be miserable. My quasi-nemesis coworker (the one who works 2x harder than a full time at part time and expects the rest of us to be just as driven and perfectionist...)
She says, "What? From that kind of surgery? Well, with an attiude like that, I guess you will be then."
...
sigh.
Once again, my feelings and thoughts dismissed by her, a common occurance. Which sucks on a good day.
Then I remember today as I'm stewing about getting caught flat with nothing coherent to say to that dismissive shit, part of why this is a big deal.
I mean, first: it's surgery. Any time you have to give up that kind of control, it's nerve-wracking. Having to get put all the way under (what if you never wake up??) and oh yeah. The last time I had surgery, it was not expected and took 2ish months to recover from (C section). That's my benchmark for what a surgery does for you. Between that and the initial procedure on my birthday, the epic discomfort of having this being done to my head.... ::shudder::.
And having to wait a month + to have it happen. Hmph.
So, yes. It might not be so bad. Great! Then I can be pleasantly surprised (which is the only "come back" I had in the heat of the moment). Someday, I'd really like to find a way to tell her that when she says things like that It's hard not to feel like she's dismissing my anxiety and feelings in general. That I should magically just not feel that way.  I am ready to move on from this job. So very much.

Comments

[fidgetmonster.livejournal.com]

Why are you waiting for the right response in the moment? This is the kind of talk you have when YOU are level headed and prepared, not emotional and caught off guard by someone else's insensitivity. You use this occurrance as an example of how when she says X you feel Y and it's unkind to make other humans feel like that and [your other words]. Then it's a discussion, not an altercation.

Cause from the way you worded things [in this post], one person is making you want to leave your job, which should never be the case. But I know, it often is :/

I'm sorry for the suckiness. All your feels are valid. Everything will be fine. *waves magic wand*

[mizarchivist]

You point is very pointy and valid.
Normally I'm pretty good at talking to people, and I'm getting better about just going ahead and saying the hard thing that needs to be said. With this one person, she brings out every insecurity and apparently has sewn in a few new ones. I hate the idea of talking to her and further proving to her that I'm an overly emotional unprofessional cry-baby who needs to not take things so personally and ... yeah.

I already wanted to leave. She's just making easier for me to transition out.

>_<

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

One of the hardest things I had to learn about surgery was to take all the recommended time off, and act like I felt crappy even if I felt okay, because feeling okay and staying on the couch is a bummer, but overdoing it and winding up back at the hospital is far, far worse. Oh, and - it's not attitude that makes some people recover faster. It may be a ton of things, but attitude is not one of them.

I'm sorry your co-worker is an ass. She really, really is though.

[mizarchivist]

Nod-- I'm definitely taking the time. I have very low expectations on how the rest of my week will look. I'm trying to start to coach the kid about what a surgery is and that he's going to have to be extra careful around me after it's over. We'll see how that goes.

Thanks for the reminders.
I'm very glad to have the surgery so early in the week so the kid will be in school for most of the daytime and I can loll on the couch and catch up on TV and movies. And pretend to watch them while I sleep.

[cutieperson]

This, all of it.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

She says, "What? From that kind of surgery? Well, with an attiude like that, I guess you will be then."

What the everlasting frack? Apparently you are to blame for your discomfort. It's all your fault, you know, with that attitude.

She sounds like a truly toxic person. And likely not nearly as loved and respected as you are. That might be the best karma of all.

[mizarchivist]

"lacking in empathy" is a truth here. And fwiw, I do like her and I'm glad she chose to work with us, as it's brought us light years ahead of what we'd be otherwise, but ooof. It's "tomplitated" as some very young yarn shop visitor once said a long time ago.

siiiiiiiiiiigh

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

That is, in fact, a shitty thing to say to someone who is facing surgery, no matter what kind it is.

[mizarchivist]

It rather is.
Sigh.

Hey! She doesn't work Monday and Friday, so at least I don't have to wonder what new fun she'll likely say til tomorrow. Yai.

[zzbottom.livejournal.com]

It sounds like she's someone who has never actually, personally, endured hardship. It's nice to have a positive attitude, but compassion is part of being positive.

[mizarchivist]

Yes, this. I think she's only had to witness other people have surgeries. Still.

Thanks for the reassurance.

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

I actually might say that to her. I am so angry on your behalf.

After I was hit by a car while eating in a restaurant, I came back too quickly to work. I can tell you how that bit me in the butt. Take the time you need plus more.

This is someone who will never give you anything in terms of slack. I feel very badly for her.

I would send an email or tell her that she was very dismissive of you and you didn't appreciate that.

Or, in the alternative, I might say that she is very lucky that everything in her life has gone according to plan and she is so smart that she knows herself better than listening to a doctor's advice.

Ugh..!

[mizarchivist]

Or, in the alternative, I might say that she is very lucky that everything in her life has gone according to plan and she is so smart that she knows herself better than listening to a doctor's advice.

::drops the mic:: Yes, that'd be great.

Seriously, I am letting this one go, too. I may never actually get my perfect moment to say something, but saying something 4-5 days after it was first said is not something I am remotely comfortable doing.
Mind you, obsessing over her attitude since then has also been not comfy. I am in a place of no-win.

[veek.livejournal.com]

*points above* Yeah! What they said.

I'm unimpressed with the coworker, and sympathetic to your plight involving, as you point out, surgery on your head. It'll take as long to recover as your body needs, and will be fine in the end. And "attitude" will have a positive effect, if you succeed at practicing the self-love needed to allow yourself to recover without anxiety about how long it's going to take.

<3 <3 <3

[mizarchivist]

Thanks :)

[drwex]

Well, with an attiude like that, I guess you will be then

*THUD* Excuse me I need to pick my jaw up off the floor. I get this kind of gross childish privileged shit from my teenagers once in a while and I don't let it pass even though they've got youthful ignorance as a refuge. From an actual adult that's so beyond rude I don't know where to start.

I am FROTHING on your behalf at the idea this is a repeated behavior. What the everloving is her problem anyway?

Wednesday remind me to tell you about the honking driver.

[mizarchivist]

I realize this is my corner of the internet where comments are going to be solidly sympathetic (since that's what I'm implicitly and practically explicitly asking for)... but having everyone to a one say "dood, not OK"- well, that's on some level reassuring.

sigh. Her problems? I could catalog them for you with a cross reference index. I can enumerate on Wednesday if it comes back around on the GUI-tar.

I'll try to remember to say honking driver at you.

[drwex]

I think it may be that I'm a little sensitive to this kind of thing right now because in addition to the aforementioned teenagers I'm also at work simultaneously trying to teach/model professional behavior for my minions and dealing with a grand-boss whose lack of professionalism is so egregious as to be like sandpaper on the nerve endings.

So, yeah, I sort of expect people to behave like professional adults in a professional setting. I am sometimes disappointed.

[mizarchivist]

Fist-bump of professionalism solidarity

[lizzielizzie.livejournal.com]

This woman is a knob and her responses are completely unsympathetic. Please to be ignoring this aspect of her as much as humanly possible. If that doesn't work, accidentally kick her in the shins. "Well, gosh...with an attitude like that, of course it hurts!"

(Yeah, I'm a childish bitch.)

[mizarchivist]

:grin:
Thanks.