Self care, con't.

[mizarchivist]

I just came back from a capital-M meeting (al anon) and I am reminded that going to Meetings is very high quality maintenance. It lets me re-evaluate and feel safe to talk about what I'm working through in a safe, environment. In this case "safe" means I'm more likely to show myself compassion, as well, because it's part of the ground-rules of being in that space.

The struggle is enough for me that it's worth repeating myself and circling back on self care. I was glad to see aroraborealis post about self care links yesterday. Nothing really jumped hard out at me that I desperately wanted to try, but I expect to come back to it again later.

Opt in, casual survey--
What are you struggling with?
What are you doing to maintain yourself lately?

For myself,
Struggle---I'm struggling with finding balance in ... everything? With a partner not yet 3 months sober, I have my own recovery to consider. I'm re-evaluating everything and breaking old habits as much as I can while feeling fractured and worn. My depression and anxiety too often take over and I feel hopeless and helpless and trapped. I desperately and emphatically want to have a different job, but not so much that I'm willing to sacrifice the comforts I have. In fact, I would prefer to expand the comfort. So, I'm here, in a position that's safe and familiar, but full of triggers, toxicity, and stagnation.

Care---

• I am prioritizing writing and interacting with folks here. It's always been my preferred means of connecting. FB is easy and fast, but not filling. (ba dum chh?)
• al anon meetings
• art (really did want to stay home and paint a scarf this morning)
• quality escapism fiction (Rose Lerner, I heart you)
• taking my meds/vitamins
• using my CPAP even though it feels weird and oogie
• TRYING to do ANY exercise (today was successful)
• figure out how to say no or find a different way to participate if the default is harming me
• keep reminding myself to be kind and compassionate. To myself. If I say it enough, will it stick?
• be OK with small progress

You?

Comments

[inahandbasket]

Struggling with:
- Time management
- Communication management
- Some minor depression/anger

Doing:
- Trying to change/fix the situations where I have agency
- Trying to accept the situations where I don't
- Writing on DW
- Trying to learn how to reach out to friends for support when needed

[moominmolly]

Trying to learn how to reach out to friends for support when needed

I'm... like... thinking about trying to learn how to do this. It sure would be handy if I could do it, though!

[inahandbasket]

frickin hard.

[lifecollage]

<3

[gilana]

Struggling with:
• My husband's current brutal work schedule (he gets up at 5:30am and gets home at 7:30pm, which means we're both short on sleep, and also means that I'm doing more of the cooking and home maintenance
• The state of the world, and feelings that I'm Not Doing Enough to help
• Perimenopause, and hormonal mood issues

Care:
• Keeping my expectations for myself realistic, settling for easy meals sometimes, being more lax on cleaning than I might like, and reminding myself that it won't be like this forever
• Trying to spread small kindnesses where I can on a personal level
• Tracking my moods to make sure that any issues stay intermittent. I'm switching doctors soon, and I plan to make an appointment for a get-to-know-you physical so that she has a baseline on me and we can talk about a plan for intervention if it becomes necessary.
• Sleeping when I can. Cuddling with the dog. Reading comfort books.

[mizarchivist]

That's a lot. Sounds like you're doing good stuff to maintain, though. It's hard when your human is Very Busy. Do you all know when it'll lighten up?

[gilana]

Thanks. It does help that I only work in the office 3 days a week, so I don't have to be out early myself every day. Plus shabbos really keeps me sane. One full day a week where I don't feel like there's anything I should be doing except resting.
He's on the 7:30-6:30 work schedule next week, then he goes into tech, so he'll be leaving the house later (after I do), but not getting home until 10 or 11 or midnight. That has its own challenges -- somehow even though I spent many years feeding myself as a single person, it's a lot harder to make a decent dinner for just me than it is when I'm cooking for two. But that's just a week this time, and then things should settle down.
Also, as hard as the schedule can be, it's still a lot better than living with a husband who hates his job and is miserable all of the time. The fact that he loves what he does counts for a lot.

[mizarchivist]

it's still a lot better than living with a husband who hates his job and is miserable all of the time

No kiddin'.

[aroraborealis]

What are you looking for in Next.Job?

Are there areas that you find it easier or more difficult to be kind and compassionate to yourself? What's different about them, if so?

What I'm actively working on:
Vulnerability: Letting myself do -- and maybe even learn to enjoy -- things I'm not good at. Coming to gentle terms with failure. Putting down the burden of perfection.

Self care:
* I've passed 500 days of meditation, and I hope to continue for another 500.
* I just scheduled a couple of massages at home for while my housemates are out of town later this month.
* I've started blocking evenings on my calendar for No Plans, so I don't keep overbooking myself socially.

[mizarchivist]

Next Job...
This is- *sigh*. hard. I've got 20 years of experience and in a profession where there's a LOT of people like me looking for work, too. I want to be less angry. I want to work in a place with structure and accountability. I want to improve my environment with what I do, even if it's just on the micro-level. I certainly do not want to make the world worse because of my day job. All this while being able to pay my bills and have something like life-balance. I do not know if I get to continue to be an archivist while expecting to pay bills and have life balance.

Self-compassion- It's really all over the place. I have a lot of feeling of guilt for my privilege as a nice, middle aged white lady who's not currently Poor (but struggling). That I need to not allow complacency to take over.
I've not really rooted out a clear pattern of when I am able to be kinder to myself. There are so many ways to be a disappointment on a micro and macro level. As I write this I see I need to look to my own expectations of self.

Failure, perfection. Yup. I'm also working on what that means and how both have had a huge influence on how I operate. Thanks for sharing and asking.

[drwex]

It's really amazing to me how much of the struggle part I could have written.

> finding balance in ... everything

Yes, every day.

> re-evaluating everything and breaking old habits as much as I can while feeling fractured and worn

Been through a lot of that lately. We're sort of in a pause because there's only so much one can do before stopping and evaluating.

> depression and anxiety

This was a bad SAD season but it seems to have lifted, as it often does for me by this time of year. The anxiety... is. Pygment thinks I could get rid of/past it. I am supremely dubious.

> I desperately and emphatically want to have a different job, but not so much that I'm willing to sacrifice the comforts I have.

Yeah, that. Alla that.

I'm doing the usual things: dog petting, walking, playing music (funk!). Trying to be honest and identify how I'm feeling and not hide from shame and not feel like a reject and a failure.

[mizarchivist]

>This was a bad SAD season but it seems to have lifted, as it often does for me by this time of year. The anxiety... is. Pygment thinks I could get rid of/past it. I am supremely dubious.

It's worth at least trying to be rid of it. Can't hurt more than the anxiety to work on the mitigation.

I also appreciate the notion of not feeling shame and not like a reject or failure. Very very same. <3

[coraline]

Struggling with: staying focused at work and not falling into time sinks. Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted all the time (combination of real world terrible and probably fighting all the germs).

[mizarchivist]

<3

[moominmolly]

Struggle: I'm struggling with coming to terms with an aging, out of shape body. I have some lofty physical goals for myself this year, and I'm sooooo far from ready to tackle them it's almost ridiculous. And I'm not 29 anymore! I can't just wake up and go do a completely crazy thing totally cold. I'd suffer the consequences, maybe permanently. So instead I'm trying to learn to .... train. To go forward gently, but undeniably.

Maintenance: Ooooooh that's a good question. I think it's also about my body! I'm trying very hard to get good, regular exercise to keep myself from depression, anxiety, self-recrimination, all that fun stuff.

[mizarchivist]

Also a thing I'm struggling with. I just repurchased a ridiculous early 2000s era exercise dvd that I lost in one of the moves. But I know the routine and it's only 20 minutes. I can do that. I can do that before coffee, even. At least I'd like to think so.

Do you like rollerskating? I want to go rollerskating again sometime. I am from the evangelical church of Yes-To-Rollerskating. If only my favorite place to go was closer than Everett.

[moominmolly]

I LOVE rollerskating! Where do you go in Everett? I think the closest place we've been is Roller World (which would still be worth it).

[mizarchivist]

RollerWorld, Yes. I think that's in Everett? Anyway- that one. ::PONDERS::

[ahf]

Saugus, and I am in the YEs to Rollerskating camp

[mizarchivist]

Right. Close, not quite.... :)

[prosicated]

I don't have easy pat answers for your casual survey, but I can say that you've been generous with your care for me, and I am enjoying the heck out of the links you send my way. It's an amazing kindness to hear from people each day/week and know they're thinking of me. Are there things like that you could do for yourself or ask of other folks?

<3

[mizarchivist]

Now that you mention it-I do get a variation of what I am doing for you from drwex, who sends me links to movies on Fridays. I sometimes am overwhelmed and can't look at them in the moment, though, since it requires use of sound and 2-3 minutes, rather than a quick glance at a still. But I always enjoy that.

And my odd-daughter of a faux-niece was sending me adorb cat pics this morning. It is pretty great, innt?

I am glad that I can provide positive distraction for you.

[lifecollage]

So, I'm here, in a position that's safe and familiar, but full of triggers, toxicity, and stagnation.

So much empathy, solidarity, and Love on this one, hon. It's been fantastic watching you open up to the possibilities that - as you said to Arora below - a career change might be the way forward and getting out of that situation. It's comfortable, perfectly stable, and oh so toxic. <3

Me?

Struggling:
- Time management
- Seeing not-acting, "just" being present as a way to help
- Weaning myself off convenience, and the old habit of excessively trading money for time/pleasure (end goal: saving more $$ for bigger things)
- Getting back to regular physical activity, despite my body literally yelling at me that I need to
- Being social beyond My People, and initiating plans all around


Doing:
- Changing course to take a full-time job again, though it meant giving up opportunities both personal & professional (and coming to peace with the enormous privilege embedded in that statement)
- Taking advantage of said job's benefits & taking the Story Development course
- Snuggling my cats as much as they'll let me
- Snuggling my odd-daughter whenever I can
- Really, snuggles & hugs, with all the important beings
- Coming to peace with the idea that self-challenge isn't satisfying, in and of itself, in any area of my life. It's a means to effect changes I feel are needed, not a push to Be More. (hmm, this may need its own post)
- Being ok with the best that I can do, in any given moment
- As my sister in Florida would say: "I'm fixin to get creative." Actual creative work will start Any Day Now, I swear.... ;)

[mizarchivist]

XO