Jan. 15th, 2019 08:49 am
Thinky thoughts about breakups
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mizarchivist... In this case, professional ones.
I broke up with my employment life 2 months ago. At first I was so busy I hardly noticed between the surge of energy of "OMG, I can do [thing]!" and Thanksgiving, and going to Florida, and then December festivities...
For the most part, I've not gotten a lot of response from those I used to work with when I've reached out. If it was just one of them, I'd be more sanguine about it, but it's a solid trend from all but 2 that I've reached out to. The cumulative effect of this has been deeply uncomfortable for me to sit with and when the anxiety comes around it will often fixate on all this. My pattern has perpetually been to keep contact. Even if it's not necessarily the best choice for me or the other party. It helped that my therapist and I talked this over yesterday in the framework of re-centering myself when I spiral on anxiety.
My observations....Not everyone will like me. That's perfectly fine. It's important to have boundaries. If I was friends with everyone, I'd be exhausted all the time. It's statistically impossible for everyone to like everyone else. It's not reasonable to think that I will like everyone back, either. Further, relationships end. They end for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes we are friends because of proximity, and when the proximity is gone, the energy behind the relationship cannot be sustained. Sometimes that energy is simply one-sided. Sometimes in this case of a "breakup" they may well be hurt to talk: they've been left behind in a shitty situation that was almost certainly made worse by my dramatic departure. They are not obliged to continue. I will not die or even shrivel up from this. There's no rule that says they won't talk to me later when they're ready and pushing it won't make them come around- never has, never will. And while a large part of me can acknowledge and type all this out and believe it, there will be a part that mourns their loss in my life. That is perfectly fine and reasonable. I have made it my life's goal to not put all my emotional eggs in one basket. This basket is no longer available. Move on.
::breathes::
I broke up with my employment life 2 months ago. At first I was so busy I hardly noticed between the surge of energy of "OMG, I can do [thing]!" and Thanksgiving, and going to Florida, and then December festivities...
For the most part, I've not gotten a lot of response from those I used to work with when I've reached out. If it was just one of them, I'd be more sanguine about it, but it's a solid trend from all but 2 that I've reached out to. The cumulative effect of this has been deeply uncomfortable for me to sit with and when the anxiety comes around it will often fixate on all this. My pattern has perpetually been to keep contact. Even if it's not necessarily the best choice for me or the other party. It helped that my therapist and I talked this over yesterday in the framework of re-centering myself when I spiral on anxiety.
What am I anxious about? everything.
What is my goal? to make people happy.
What if I don't make people happy? They will get mad and leave me.
Is this actually likely? No
If they do, what does that say? That they're not particularly compassionate or particularly good friends.
What is my goal? to make people happy.
What if I don't make people happy? They will get mad and leave me.
Is this actually likely? No
If they do, what does that say? That they're not particularly compassionate or particularly good friends.
My observations....
::breathes::
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<3 <3 <3
Was going to post something but Wex said it better
Re: Was going to post something but Wex said it better
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