The kid's alright

[mizarchivist]

State of Brain-
I had a moment yesterday where I was just so SAD and forlorn and lonely. I missed my old coworkers and felt very disconnected at this temp job I have been at for the last week+ (more on that in a moment). It was awkward and uncomfortable, and my instinct in that moment is to find comfort, which I found in the coworker who left for a new job same time I noped out of the old job. I felt like I got my sense of perspective back. That the discomfort of the moment was disproportionate to the moment, and that it's ok to have that moment, but also not to lose the perspective.  It was a relief to navigate that without tumbling into a spiral of despair.

WORK!

• exposition- So, yeah! Temp job. It didn't make sense to try to find a gig before Arisia. I mean- it might have been a bad strategic choice from a purely economic POV, but emotionally- worth it. Got to spend most of a week with my mom after that, and then dove into this very temp gig through an agency. I got a call on a Wednesday and started the next morning. Yipes! 
• the day to day-
  
  • It's a receptionist gig in a real estate office in downtown Boston. I make sure the kitchen stays stocked, the phone is answered, conference rooms are booked, and mail distributed. In the vein of Good Eats: I said it was good, not fast: It's within my capacity but has a fair bit to keep track of. But there's documentation and everyone here is very low-key. It helps that expectations for me are pretty low. Those who keep track of me know I'm just there til they find a permanent replacement. I'm polite, attentive, and take correction with grace, ask questions if I need to, and assume everything will work out alright.
  • I'm enjoying this foray into femme armor as part of my routine- I put on makeup and have been doing my nails. Even fun shoes/clothes! It's important that I remember it's really just for me. The others in this office do not notice. At all. ::shrug:: 
  • Being in this public space for the whole day, but not talking to many people or having too many things to do in any given hour is more wearing than I would have imagined. By the time I get home I need to recover from... being ready to be cheerful and helpful at people for many hours at a time. Huh. I certainly have a LOT more empathy for ursa_cerulean and her retail fatigue. Sympathy I had before, but now... no really. I get it.
• lessons learned-
  
  • do not say yes to the gig until you know damn well what the hours are. I'm currently on the 8:30-5:30 shift and not much/any real flexibility about that, as I'm the primary phone answerer. It's a "carry phone with you at all times" while I'm on deck situation. It means I can't do pick up or drop off for the kiddo, and while I do have 3 other adults in the house, it feels gross not being doing my usual 50% of that.
  • I'm hoping to prove I can show up and do the work and maybe land a slightly more interesting temp gig next. Hoping for a few more dollars, lower requirement for strict hours kept, and would like a few more projects to break up my day.
  • I need to keep on this track of No Strings Attached work. I need to recalibrate what normal is, what my limits are. How to stay less emotionally invested in the work. I spent so much time being overly attached and not being rewarded for my efforts at all. I am interested in continuing a survey of general office cultures, getting first hand experience of how things could be or might be. I can't undo 2 decades of exceptionally skewed and not terribly healthy interpersonal as my default professional environment.
  • I am still wrestling with the possible loss of a job that has "archivist" in the title for future employment. I don't want to give up on the idea of that kind of work with that kind of title, but I value other aspects of my existence way too much to sacrifice everything for a title. I say this out loud hoping the irrational bit of my brain that fears not being able to define myself that way will calm down.

Kiddo!!

• What a kid. There was a moment last night when she observed that I was acting like a grumpypants. I argued I didn't feel grumpy. But I was tired. The interaction was... quite a thing. I feel like there's been a shift in how she relates to others lately- more like seeing and observing/commenting and not just how it relates to her inner monologue. Until last night I'd qualify everyone around her as bit players in her live-running biopic. This might be more of an ensemble soon. It's pretty great.
• Ugh. I need to find a second opinion re: dentist. New dentist thinks she may need a root canal on one of her permanent molars. I'm like whaaa? But the emotional labor it takes to talk to the dentist and find a different dentist to take her to is a high bar to clear right now. (stops updating, calls my dentist, does the thing, because mmmmmmm,yeah- NO.)
• Harry Potter. All the time. (audio/Stephen Fry) -- eh? I can't say I was terribly different at her age. I maybe had more variety in my stories, though.

and here I've run out of writing. So, I guess I'm done for the moment. :)

Comments

[drwex]

<3

Would love pics of you in the femme armor and pics of the kid being the kid.

[mizarchivist]

1st is easy, 2nd... I'll see what I can manage :)

[caulay]

Glad to hear you're doing OK.

[mizarchivist]

Thankee

[hammercock]

A root canal? On a 7-year-old? Yikes. O_o

[mizarchivist]

Right. That seemed like ... maybe worth a second look with a more known quantity.

[ursa_cerulean]

Kiddo is doing real well. We had a super hilarious conversation about ADHD and girls and how my life was easier in grade school when my teachers were a little more strict. She's amazing.

[mizarchivist]

That is so good