Celeste Headlee - possibly my new favorite person

[mizarchivist]

I just finished watching this video- Celeste Headlee who spoke last December (ish?) at the 4th Annual Workplace Summit | MA Conference for Women.
Why do we feel lonely
Why is it hard to communicate
Why is email and social media maybe not the answer to double down on.
Talking to people is hard. Listening to people is hard. What are we supposed to do...?

The video is about 47 min long, including follow up questions.
Call it self-care to take a whole 47 minutes for one Youtube video, but I bet by minute 2 you'll want to keep going.

OK- I recommend you go watch it. I'm going to put a jumpcut in so I can write down all the stuff she said and see if I am able to have a quick coherent summary and not die of irony that I'm putting this in a blog.... (seriously, don't just read my summary, she makes amazing points and explains them all very well)

So, how can we do better at listening?

• Don't multi-task, rather- be present, not just waiting for your turn to talk
• Don't lecture (to try to change someone's mind)
• Ask open-ended questions and have the expectation of going to learn something from the other person
• Go with the flow. Listen with the intent to understand
• Say you don't know if you don't know.
• Don't equate your experience with other people's - (hello, conversational narcissism, my old nemesis!)
• Don't repeat yourself (whaaaaaat??? This is a game-changer for parenting and needs a whole convo in and of itself)
• Keep details to a minimum: stay out of the weeds
• Listen
• Be brief

I have a lot to learn. Time to get comfortable with this practicing thing. Again.

Comments

[drwex]

*pebble* I doubt I'll spend that much time on any one video but perhaps.

[mizarchivist]

Keep in mind I rarely do and it felt a good use of my time. FWIW.

Sorry

[drwex]

I noped out around 18 minutes when she uses the fact that people get into email arguments as some kind of evidence that this is worse than face-to-face arguing.

I also found the idea that we're our "worst selves" online to be very privileged and hetero-centric. I've spent too much time online with people who are closeted in various ways in "meatspace" and their true selves only emerge online. Yeah, I know, majority and all that, but making the argument in such absolute terms feels like it's leaving out people we both care about.

Re: Sorry

[mizarchivist]

::nod:: good to keep in mind.
I also think it doesn't take into account neuro-diversity and how information is processed differently WRT anxiety or ADHD or autism. I'd be interested to continue the conversation with her with that. One of the questions asked how non-verbal communicators (ASL) fit into her ideas.

I'm definitely going to employ the AA principle of "take what you like and leave the rest" - I found her suggestions personally helpful on many levels. I appreciate it might not work for all hoomans.

[drwex]

<3

[pygment]

Internet ate my long response. I'm going to, as hubby says, nope out on this as quite a few of those listed are things used by men in business to control women's behavior and make it "more acceptable". Or they are in the wheelhouse of what's ok for women to do.

I hear this felt good to you and supportive. I'm glad you got something out of this. Doesn't sound like my thing though.