Something my neighbor said

[mizarchivist]

I woke up this morning and remembered one of my dreams was about my ex... someone I started dating about 10 years ago now (10 years ago next Thursday, as a matter of fact) -

Because it's almost our "anniversary", I was once again debating on writing him a letter trying to come to terms with our bad blood. I haven't been this crazy yet, mind you, but I think of it from time to time.

I was talking to Pam, my neighbor, at the bus stop this morning about having dreams about exes after all these years. When she heard where I was leading said "whatever you do, never contact old boyfriends. If a woman contacts a man after a few years, she's considered desparate, stalking [or in some way out of line]. But it's ok if a man calls a woman out of the blue."

I don't want to believe this. I want to believe that my friends and I follow a different, less biased code. But I can't convince myself. However, when it comes to this ex, I will follow that advice.

Do you, my friends, think my neighbor is right?

Comments

Actually...

[mizarchivist]

You, my dear, are one of the leading people I considered when thinking about the people this rule of Pam's *doesn't* fit.

Pam's advice was based on the experience of calling up an old friend and having him act very odd and his wife even odder. She didn't think she did anything wrong, but the ex and his wife acted... well that way. After that she decided that this must be a relatively normal reaction in the greater collective community and figured to leave well enough alone.

As for exes--- this particular one is The Ex. The only one I know of I am on bad terms with.

I've gone back and forth on pick it or leave it alone all morning (NO I'm NOT obsessive, thankyouverymuch) and I think returned to leave it. If he really wants to find me, he could do so without trying at all.

Anyway, I think our particular community, Beo, is much different than your average group of people *grin*-- that your and mmeblue's opinion are more to what is my reality as opposed to my neighbor's. But let's leave sleeping tigers with arthritis in old wounds lie :)

Re: Actually...

[beowabbit]

You, my dear, are one of the leading people I considered when thinking about the people this rule of Pam's *doesn't* fit.

*blush*

Pam's advice was based on the experience of calling up an old friend and having him act very odd and his wife even odder.

Ah. I hadn't thought of that particular dynamic. And I guess there are enough people out there who think you can't even be friends with people of the sex you're interested in if you're not involved with them. They can live on their planet; I like mine. :-)

As for exes--- this particular one is The Ex. The only one I know of I am on bad terms with.

Definitely sometimes it makes sense not to keep contact. I've certainly known people who left abusive or otherwise harmful relationships, where there was harm in just being around the person. But I don't think of it as being something natural to the relationship you have with an ex by virtue of them being an ex, but something natural to the relationship you have with them by virtue of them being a psycho.

But let's leave sleeping tigers with arthritis in old wounds lie :)

Fabulous image!