The nature of grief

[mizarchivist]

Since Saturday morning, almost all my energy and thoughts have been focused on the reality that one of our tribe- ariesd - was taken so suddenly that morning. I am usually not fond of euphemisms, but in moments like this, I have a hard time with hard words. He's gone and there's an Aries shaped hole in the world, now.
Much of that time has been spent in shock and denial, but yesterday the realness settled in when helping taura_g  at the house, meeting Aries's family (for the first time).
Despite my hyper-focus on all this sadness, I'm having a hard time writing here. Grief is weird and extremely painful. It's hard not to feel very neurotic, too. But I have to say something.
I'm grateful that I have an assistant who can help me get on with the business of mundane library/reference. I'm actually thankful to be here at work at the moment. I have enough outside demands for things/ activities I can stumble through and just keep moving until I can acclimate. Also another time I am glad I'm alone in this office so I don't have to fake being more with it than I am.

Love to you, taura. See you soon.

Comments

[mizarchivist]

Yes, it's moments like this I wish I had some sort of creed or dogma to cling to, but I don't.
I also know there's more to the universe than what I understand, so I have a very vague and peripheral optimism. But I'm an optimistic person.
In the meantime, the living are the ones I try to focus on and helping them adjust to the new reality.

While I'm glad that I haven't had many moments of deep and profound grief from people I know and care about dying, it also means I'm less well equipped to deal with it when it does show up. In this case I'm trying to just cut myself some slack and be as ready as I can to be of help and comfort for those who are more hurt than I am.