The nature of grief

[mizarchivist]

Since Saturday morning, almost all my energy and thoughts have been focused on the reality that one of our tribe- ariesd - was taken so suddenly that morning. I am usually not fond of euphemisms, but in moments like this, I have a hard time with hard words. He's gone and there's an Aries shaped hole in the world, now.
Much of that time has been spent in shock and denial, but yesterday the realness settled in when helping taura_g  at the house, meeting Aries's family (for the first time).
Despite my hyper-focus on all this sadness, I'm having a hard time writing here. Grief is weird and extremely painful. It's hard not to feel very neurotic, too. But I have to say something.
I'm grateful that I have an assistant who can help me get on with the business of mundane library/reference. I'm actually thankful to be here at work at the moment. I have enough outside demands for things/ activities I can stumble through and just keep moving until I can acclimate. Also another time I am glad I'm alone in this office so I don't have to fake being more with it than I am.

Love to you, taura. See you soon.

Comments

[kazmat.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[mizarchivist]

Thanks

The nature of grief

[library-sexy.livejournal.com]

When I lost my mother earlier this year I was very stressed about going back to work. Once I got back I realized it was the best thing for me to have done. There was structure and tasks and I could put my head down and just be at work rather than feeling lost.

HUGS to you and the rest of our tribe. There is one less smile among us today. He will be missed.

[moechus.livejournal.com]

I did not know him well. We simply moved past each other in the same social circles. I could not help admiring, however, that although he often seemed unsteady on his feet of late, he seemed steadfast in his good cheer (at least to a casual observer like me).

That said, the news of his death struck me hard and I had a bad weekend (the father of a high school friend also just died). Every time someone I know dies, I find myself struggling with my own agnosticism and my inability to accept any of the conventional or traditional comforts (e.g., "he's in a better place now"). You put very well, there's an Aries-shaped hole in the world now. Every death leaves a hole in the world and life sucks for being so full of holes.

[mizarchivist]

Yes, it's moments like this I wish I had some sort of creed or dogma to cling to, but I don't.
I also know there's more to the universe than what I understand, so I have a very vague and peripheral optimism. But I'm an optimistic person.
In the meantime, the living are the ones I try to focus on and helping them adjust to the new reality.

While I'm glad that I haven't had many moments of deep and profound grief from people I know and care about dying, it also means I'm less well equipped to deal with it when it does show up. In this case I'm trying to just cut myself some slack and be as ready as I can to be of help and comfort for those who are more hurt than I am.

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[mizarchivist]

Yes, thank you.

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

I don't think I ever met Aries, but I do know Taura_G and many others in your tribe. I'm so very sorry to hear this. I will be thinking of Taura.

[darxus.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is the first I heard. Looking for more info. Neither of their LJs have anything (I can see).

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

Just added you as a friend. You should be able to go back and read the details in my LJ now.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

Take care of you while you're taking care of other folks. Just sayin'.

::sends taking care of you hugs to use as you see fit::

[edited to fix inadvertent icon. Whups.]

[mizarchivist]

Yes- definitely. Working on being not over-extendy.
HUGS

[mizarchivist]

Danke

[deadwinter.livejournal.com]

omg.

Lots of hugs

[drwex]

Stay in touch.

Love you too

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

*BIG HUGS*