mizarchivist: (Default)
OMG, you guys. I'm living in a house that I (co-)own. I admit I'm having some sense of denial and some imposter syndrome, and wondering what MY stuff is doing in Jeanne's house, but whatever. We're getting there. I went out this morning and picked black raspberries before breakfast. I keep re arranging stuff that can't be put away yet. But my bed is in a frame and there are some movable drawers with my clothes in them in my room. I have an office with a door that shuts. It's a box maze, but it's mine. [personal profile] fubar set up the TV and it works! I set up Pandora and hung out in the living room listening to music with [livejournal.com profile] samuraizergling last night. It was so civilized! I got to help new neighbor Anne Michelle rescue her car. She watched The Kid on Sunday for a few hours. It's like... a THING. I chatted with my next door neighbor, who's really nice. It's quiet. So... yeah. I have survived.

Please ping me if you want my new street address. I'm going to be sending out an update email here soon.

Also: Tomorrow the kid has eye surgery. I'm only a bit nervous about that.

Jun. 15th, 2017 02:05 pm


mizarchivist: (Default)
Went back. MRI is normal. Still no reason detected or any change good or ill with kid's eye, so the ophthalmologist's next step: surgery. This issue is less than 6 months old, ish, but not by much, and the sooner one can correct, the better. It's a fast day surgery.  Details below the cut, but not gory, but still involve thinking about surgery...
Read more... )So, all will be well come the end of July.

Jun. 9th, 2017 09:51 am


mizarchivist: (Default)
Today I'm home and waiting to take the kid downtown to Children's for an MRI to try to determine what's up with the crossed eye. The MRI will last 1.5 hours. There will be sedation. Before we go do that, I'm taking him to his doctor for a blood draw b/c one question still outstanding is the question of Lyme's . Figured since we were home anyway...

So far the day's OK. The kid is allowed to watch as much TV as he wants and eat all the popsicles. Explanation- we're going to take a picture of your brain (look of horror)-- no, we don't have to take out your brain to do so (relief). But we need you to stay really still for that so they're going to give you medicine to keep you still and that medicine means you can ONLY eat popsicles. But yes ice cream at dinner. Clearly I'm more anxious than he is, and I'm alright with that.


... cut to 20 min. later and a trip to dr office... child finds an oatmeal square and starts eating it while I am not staring at him. MRI rescheduled to Tuesday morning. SIIIIIGHHH
It was insanity to have a sedated MRI scheduled for a 5 yr old in the mid to late afternoon. Insanity.  We may have the blood test for Lyme's done by then, too. I'm just mad at myself for not being more vigilant.
mizarchivist: (Default)
Moving.... Read more... )

Kid.... Read more... )

Work... Read more... )

State of brain... Read more... )

Entertainment... Read more... )TL;DR- Boxen! Kid is fine, but complicated! Still not king! Muddling along! I watch TV! 
mizarchivist: (Default)
Well, anxiety, I see you have returned. I didn't ask you to come back. ::grump:: And for no particular reason! Yay!!!  That is all on that for now, I guess.

What I woke up to this morning (which is super cute)-
kid doing... something. Setting up a "surprise" for me. OK? I let this play out. I'm suspicious, though.  Turns out it was a tea party with (a LOT) of sliced up bananas. And pretend tea. It was great.
May. 11th, 2017 12:16 pm


mizarchivist: (Default)
This morning was the meeting at school following the testing to see what's up with the kid, what more does he need to be more successful (and less disruptive??) . 
TL;DR is that he has qualified for an Individual Education Plan (IEP) due to "developmental delays"- an academic designation, rather than medical one. This IEP lasts 3 years then it's re-evaluated.

[personal profile] ursa_cerulean and I went and talked with his teacher, the occupational therapist, social worker, psych, and 2 coordinators. It's  a great team and I've always appreciated their attention, dedication, and expertise.  So, it turns out my kid has a hard time staying focused, following directions, and controlling his impulses emotionally and physically. That bit of executive function just hasn't shown up to play yet, I guess. It means constant redirection at home and at school, lots of disruption for everyone, and a lot of assertive/aggressive behavior, explicitly he will argue and debate as a matter of course. He doesn't back down from confrontation, so if someone gets up in his face, there will be fisticuffs. So! Let's find some skills. Let's find a way to maybe translate that to home so that the parents can feel more assured and less frazzled. Because let me tell you, saying sit down and eat 20 times in the span of 5 minutes is no fun for me. Because the things he loves doing, he's flipping brilliant at, and there's no currency that works if he can't find value in the activity. Just imagine if we could persuade him to be collaborative and social on top of creative and empathetic. We'll get this baby-activist going yet. I really would prefer he manage a path through school that doesn't involve "I HATE EVERYTHING."   I'm grateful. This is a great school and a great team and I'll be able to transfer the IEP to Newton when we move.

A surprise feature of the IEP process is to carefully monitor to make sure that he is not being bullied or being the aggressor either. I think this is smart to track as part of the work. I can see him being on both sides of the equation, particularly when you toss in a fair bit of gender nonconformity. He's vulnerable and they can proceed with extra care to help re-direct and provide extra support as need be. I couldn't be happier at this point with our situation.
mizarchivist: (Default)
Well, it would appear I am a home-owner. We actually did that a week+ ago, but I've been not chatty. It doesn't feel real since we aren't actually changing houses til July and haven't started the whole packing bit yet.

I've sorted out kid-care for the summer and continuing to call people who've yet to call back on the logistics. But the neighbor lady has a daycare so, no extra logistics to get the kid to/from every day. [personal profile] ursa_cerulean  and her mom are gonna take the kid 2x a week, so that'll take some pressure off. I also can send the kid to the current after school care for a week of summer camp for the interstitial. My mom also wants to take them for a week, too.

We're waiting for school testing, too, and a final/official designation for repeating kindergarten. It's been a struggle this year, but with such a late summer birthday, it was always a risk. School has been very helpful and supportive. It's just not having all this lined up for signing up for new school stuff is stressy.

In the meantime, my stress situation has been an ongoing state of not-great to downright awful. I detailed it all a few weeks ago. Not a ton has changed beyond being given a higher dose of prozac (now 20 mg). It feels so much like a feedback loop that's primarily physical. If I could just breathe normally when I sleep, if I could get my body to relax, then I could eat like a normal human and not feel constantly on the verge of falling apart.

*meta- I can't bring myself to nuke my LJ from orbit, but note I am originating over here in DW. So be it. ::sigh::
**meta-meta: I always feel like I should have more to say, but when it comes to it, I lose my steam. I guess something's better than nothing.
mizarchivist: (Default)
Hi friends. How are you? 

Today's a feeling mopey day. (Got to visit with someone I rather like yesterday, but It's Complicated tm. Not much to be done. I don't really want to talk about it here, but I do. Did I mention complicated?)  Then follow up from this year's Confessional) caused me to grin and blush a fair bit.  Because apparently it's a year where I was gifted my very own thread. So, if any of the anon commenters are reading here... hi! I deeply appreciate being appreciated. I'm still bone-deep intrigued by people carrying torches for apparently decades. I realize some things are not meant to be known by the object 'pon which one crushes, but ... well, you know. CURIOUS! 

(GAH!, naughty dreamwidth, which publishes the post when you hit enter when putting in tags. )

What else? Everything, nothing?

House- I've not mentioned much here, but I'm about to be a home-owner. asciiktty's parents' house will soon be my family's house. It's exciting! It's on the Newton/Watertown line, and will not transfer residence until after the end of the school year.

Work? Still not king. But got rolling on Preservica. Had my first training (finally) today, and soon it'll be a going concern. I'm also working on cleaning up within the Records Management part of my life, which goes with an Asset Management System.

Kid- Doing OK. Very 5. I haven't had the energy to post here, but dealing with gender expression and declared self "Girl" in the fall, which has been persistent ever since. (I need more long sleeve dresses for her).  Looks like repeating kindergarten is for sure going to happen. No surprise. If she were 3 weeks younger, she'd have been in pre-K again this year. I'm calling this the practice year- get the notions of what is expected sorted out and then work on academic benchmarks.

Wife- EMPLOYED! That happened uh, about a week and  a half ago? No, 2 weeks ago exactly. They called on a Monday for the next day. that's the union for you, friends. She's still looking for work that doesn't involve wearing a tool belt and hauling particle board. She's also being happy and ridiculous at a new person. I'm full of compersion for her. He's a nice guy and lives in Dorchester.

Health/physicality- been climbing still, not enough. I need to ping CRG and put a hold on my membership. I can't do all the things, as it turns out. When I live in Newton, that'll likely be my default gym since they have a location about 2 mi from my new house.
I also have been participating in StepBet, because asciikitty is an enabler. That has gamified my activity just enough to keep me from slipping. I'm starting to feel like there's some difference. My goal is to have my utilikilt fit me as it should again.

Fam- I got to visit family in the Hudson Valley a few weeks ago, and then my parents visited this past weekend. The NY trip was to see my aunt in Our Town. My mom's younger sister. My mom, my Aunt Leslie and Uncle Will plus ersatz-Aunt Susan (I actually have an actual aunt by that name, just to confuse things), plus theatrical aunt's two adult kids were on site. Jaime and Kid also came with. it was quite an impromptu reunion and I was happy for the chance.
My parents had been planning on visiting me this weekend for a while. Mom's a huge advocate of vacation rentals, a good way to get a decent place near my house but not IN my house to take some pressure off those family members who might not be that social, the fact that the house is big, but that with guests it no longer feels adequate. Can allow for the dog to come if they want (not this time). It's overall a good thing. This time we went to Newburyport and got a beach house. Yes, tons of snow on the ground, but it was still delightful. The house itself was one that I'd very much like to rent again for a fun get-away for adults (sans parents or kids). It had a great aesthetic and a very nicely stocked kitchen with sharp knives and quality cook wear.

mizarchivist: (ESDO)
Whenever it's [livejournal.com profile] primal_pastry's birthday, it reminds me that my labor started on her birthday. We are days away from my child's birthday. I have complex emotional reactions. Excitement at the celebration, remembered anxiety of the act of labor, startlement that my child is this small human that's not so small.  This year we're combinging forces with [livejournal.com profile] woodwardiocom and [livejournal.com profile] buxom_bey since Roo's birthday is only 3 days behind Crime Fighter's. According to my conservative estimates, we're going to have about 60 people there. I'm excited and terrified by that, but mostly OK. It's easier now that The Kid is easier to contain, will likely stay where he's supposed to and not just TAKE OFF like when he was 2.

So, yeah. Maybe more introspection, but for now, have a photo montage....Cut for bandwidth. Have some pictures! )

Gulp. The progression. It makes sense. Just 2 sequential years next to each other makes sense, but in total is staggering for me.
mizarchivist: (Angst Queens)
I got my second session with Stephanie at the doctor's office on stress management. My first session is documented from 2 weeks ago. I've been doing a pretty good job integrating the first bit of homework

  • Puff ball prize seems to be working. I've adapted the original idea slightly. The every day jar is smallish jam size (1 1/4 cups?), which is a bit over a week to fill. About 2, I think? He's lost a lot of puffs, so hard to say. From there, we will empty that into a quart size, hopefully month-ish. There will be another prize when that gets filled. When the quart is filled, it goes into the gallon (ish) size, which is the year. The ultimate goal is going to Hawaii! He can "earn" his way to the tropical paradise. We'll see how it plays out, but so far the collective familial opinion is that this is a good system.

  • Focusing on effective over right

  • Being careful not to capitulate (subset of previous point)- so, if I'm saying NO that remains no.

  • Have been doing the Headspace-lead meditation. I actually started it over again after comleting the 10 day course yesterday (I was not hitting it on weekends, but hey, some is better than none)

  • Kid has provided some thoughts on rewards for good behavior. Our beach trip Sunday will be his first, as he filled the "week" sized jar

  • The "say it once" has been the hardest, I think. The kid can argue like woah. I will keep on it.

This week was dealing with cognitive distortions. This is a concept that I've delved into in the past. I know that [livejournal.com profile] lifecollage and I have discussed these brain weasels on more than one occasion. I've dealt with it with my niece, Laura, too. So, being reminded I fall prey to the weasels, too, and I can do something about it:

  • Notice I'm doing it

  • Stop and check in with myself what's triggered this

  • Answer the inquiries made above (ex: Would I say this to someone I love? ...No, of course not." Or, "What are my options? How would I like to respond?... " <- and answering that)

  • Relax and distract: go for a walk, meditate, focus on something else.

I had been working on dealing with this before Stephanie and I even met. I found that the walk wasn't quite enough, that when I was able to really focus on a task that I enjoyed or at least felt very competant to complete, that it was miraculous.
This was a great session. I walked in feeling very frustrated and left feeling like I had real tools to get on with what I needed to do. I'm interested in talking offline with people on all this, if it comes up, by the way. Or in comments!
mizarchivist: (Glam at 40)
Yes, I made a Crow reference. I'm like that sometimes. ::grin::

Stress reduction... For reals, having Jaime only be out a week of work is a huge burden lifted. I felt confident enough in the world to go buy some cheap-ish sneakers and get rid of 3 pairs of unpleasant black shoes in the same trip. My old sneakers cause my hips to hurt, so let's not wear them, eh?

Random T interaction... I had an amazing interaction with a woman on the train on the ride in this morning. It took from Alewife to Central to finish my meditation (that's 11 1/2 min, fyi, for those of you interested in the meditation OR how long it took me to get through that part of the commute... today). She was an older lady named Jane (guessing my mom's age or somewhat older). She was chatty and I was feeling chatty so why not? I actually like talking to strangers on the train if they are nice and I'm not otherwise engrossed in my own thing. It was a perfect 5 minute friendship, thus illustrating that they don't have to last forever to be worthy and valuable.  Also, I am my mother's child. So very.

Kid stuff... My kid-parenting regrooving seems to be working out so far. This is nice. I feel proud and pleased.

Work stuff... I have the office to myself due to the demands of today's schedule on the remains of our office. It's been OK. I just let myself be damn sad yesterday. Not denying or trying to tamp down my feelings was really nice.

Fun stuff...  I'm going to see the Indigo Girls with [livejournal.com profile] caulay on Thursday in Lowell and going to see the Doubleclicks at Thunderoad with [livejournal.com profile] samuraizergling and some other folks on Saturday. Yay fun! I was looking at the ticketmaster lawsuit info- turns out I've seen a LOT of shows in that time-frame. I am not certain I'll be able to use even a fraction of the settlement in the time allotted.
mizarchivist: (Glam at 40)
Today was the first visit at my doctor's office for stress management. Initially,exposition )work of the first session )
Problems to overcome )

positive reinforcement )

next steps )TL;DR? I need to reinforce my boundaries with my kid, learn to quit arguing with him, and do the hard work that needs to be done, otherwise it'll just get harder later.
mizarchivist: (Avatar- Don't fuck with me)
This kid... A great kid.  And very age-appropriate. Favorite thing these days is to say "yeah yeah yeah..." and then not do the thing I want him to do (like get up and get dressed). Then as soon as I try to implement consequences, he freaks out.  It's been 3 days in a row of this where my reaction has been dumping into anger in ways I find unhelpful. Well, OK, 2. Today I managed to walk back my irritatation. He was more interested in goofing off than getting ready, so I had to follow through on no trip to the coffee shop for [some treat, maybe a smoothie]. Maybe tomorrow.

It's just so freaking exhausting.  I was going to ask for reasurrance that this is required and it'll not always be like this, but looking back at dropping him off at school, he was fine. It also helped that Jaime didn't hammer where no hammer was required. That is a thing that actually makes me feel worse, when there's constant repetition from her, and the kid's not remotely listening the first time, will not listen the 12th time. Just stop. So, that was also good. Maybe tomorrow we can have our adventure morning at Kickstand.
mizarchivist: (Dork)
Going through my old pregnancy filter here, I now wish I had named my kid Alabado, as I may have done, inspired by a work project lo these many years ago. Alabado!!! It's makin' a come-back.
mizarchivist: (CrimeFighter7Wks)
I purposefully used my super-old picture of Crime Fighter from when he was 3 months old to announce I signed him up for Kindergarten in the fall this evening.
Because this is my kid.
(No, the other 2 teas are NOT his)
mizarchivist: (Default)
That's kid is not a baby

he may also be part cat
mizarchivist: (ESDO)
Because we can pull it off, we are pretending The Kid's birthday is tomorrow since I have to work all day today and he technically won't know the difference. But as of now, my child is 4.
mizarchivist: (Boxes)
I should be writing up my notes from the last 2 days, but I've been on IM instead and generally feeling emotionally flayed from all the interacdtions and eye contact. So much has happened that I think I can only do the big overview and then I may be able to add stuff later, but if nothing else if you are interested in a particular thing, feel free to ask me to elaborate. Possibly even in person, if I ever come  out of hiding after I get back home.

  • The childhood friends: all 3 in one place with me for a mini reunion that defies superlatives.

  • Losing my internal sensor almost immediately upon arrival (primarily from that mini reunion)

  • Marathon day at the conference, hitting later afternoon and experiencing this surreal state of cascading epiphanies and clarity.

  • Writing the draft to an article I want to expand on describing the big deal stuff going on with work project(s). More to the point, having encouragement from Leader In Field suggest I write it

  • Diving into twitter, gaining almost double the followers I had last week (36 to 61? It's odd)

  • Getting a ton of support from a ton of people who are more convinced of my capacity than I am

  • Lots and lots of good learning moments

  • Rock n Roll hall of fame visit

  • Visiting with [livejournal.com profile] jedipartner1967 (short short form: home from hospital, doing super well!!)

  • The kid and his grandpa and the extended time together while the wimmin folk worked

  • Looking forward to a low-key social on Sunday in the back yard

  • Looks like Grace and Amy will be visiting me in Boston in November. That's going to be epic. Prep the bail money now.

OK. That'll have to do for now.
mizarchivist: (Evil Laugh)
I seem to be primarily snarky and ranty and argumentative today (and possibly the last few days). It's not my favorite feel.

In potentially related news, I acquired my first smart phone yesterday. It's an iphone 5. Given how much I loathe little keyboards, and the bit where I am usually near a fully functional and full sized computer most of the time, I do not think I'll start being evangelical about it just yet. I mean, I got an ipod touch a year+ ago... it's nice! ...when it works. But it's not yet grafted to my person. My mother reports the sound quality of an actual phone call (because it turns out phones are still used for that antiquted method of communication... did I mention snarky? OK, good). And for that reason alone, my residual reservations started to evaporate.
I got the ibus MBTA app, although I will drop a whole other dollar on a better one if there's a recommendation out there. This one turns out not to have all the features I was hoping it would, so I encourage sharing on this point. I've not done much else other than QA-ed my phone list to make sure everything was there before I deep-6ed the flip phone.  Given I have 2 more trips this summer, and both work-based, I wanted to be more flexible in the tools that make travel and convention-going easier.

I had a nice evening at home- a young friend is working on putting his life together after  a rough year+ and is willing to do some babysitting. So, to minimize the *OMG NO* that I've been dealing with whenever we get a sitter, praps better if the kid hangs out with said future sitter with no pressure. You know? Also help the young friend acclimate to watching this preschooler who was practically an infant the last time he was on the babysitter roster. It went well- I got to eat my dinner without being forced to chase the kid and the big boy and little boy were pleased with each other.
mizarchivist: (Eddie-Cake or Death?)

[I acknowledge here, I am reinventing the wheel-- I’m mostly writing this for my own remembering later]

When they say 3 is hard, I don’t think you can quite comprehend that on a bone-deep level until you find yourself arguing with your mini-me over the most ridiculous shit. The thing I’ve come to learn is for every “no” I say, he will always be able to come back one more time. The energizer bunny of argument (This isn’t an argument, this is abuse!... oh lord, so true)

I'm going to ramble for a while about parenting now. )Please let my new leaf stay turned. I hated Sunday.


mizarchivist: (Default)

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