mizarchivist

I'm still luxuriating in the era where if I don't tell my kid a thing, she doesn't know it. Ex: the 4th of July carnival that happens in conjunction w fireworks here in Newton. We spent pretty much all day in the AC mucking out her room, which had gotten to the point you really couldn't see carpet or even really open the door without shoving something out of the way. Most of the time, I intervene before it gets this bad and spend a few hours sorting things out. But that doesn't help her figure out how to do it herself. I think I still did most of it this time, but because there was the excitement of "let's re-arrange the room" when it got cleared, she stayed with it.

So. post dinner, Kid and I head out to the carnival. PRIZES was the goal. Stuffies. Oh, to win a stuffie. She wanted to take kind of all her money, and I told her 5 bucks. She went for the pick up a duck and see what it says on the bottom: S M L - etc, for what size the prize would be. NO surprise, they were S-ducks. She got a snake. Maybe not even a snake, a snek. It was a colorful tube masquerading as a snake. She was deflated. Like, trying to figure out how she ended up with such a shitty prize when there were SO MANY DELIGHTFUL ONES right there. Sloths and unicorns, and owls! So, I say I'll pay for one more game. I had 5 bucks in cash after I bought ride tickets. Water gun race? Ooookay! Maybe it should have been better explained that if you don't WIN, there is zero prize, not even a snek. Maybe better off with the balloon popping game. She did NOT win. And was crushed, crying and betrayed by the system. Sometimes when your parent tells you that the game is rigged, it doesn't sink in til you lose 10 bucks and only have a snek to show for it.  The lines for the shitty rides were long as hell by this point, so I sold back the 16 out of 19 tickets I still had to random strangers and told her we could get a light up toy. But I drew the line WRT +noisy. Nope. You can have a light saber. Not one that whistles.  It's blue and looks amazing in the dark. 

It was such a thing to watch her get frustrated, deflate, regenerate a bit of hope, then lose her shit. I let her be upset and didn't rush the process. She doesn't fit tidily anymore, but she can still sit in my lap and cry, which is a thing I think we all wish we could do sometimes. The prospect of selling back ride tickets, getting a flashy toy and OMG FIREWORKS!! and suddenly The Best Ever. Whew. Mischief- for now- managed.

Exposition-
I didn't come to being very active with the regional UU group until I was independently mobile, say 17-18, or there abouts. But then I adored them, ended up going to Ohio University and it had a huge UU group, some I knew already. Like so many who graduate and move away, I did not stay active with the old UU friends or UU-ness in general. had always defaulted to more social rather than spiritual interactions with church, and when I moved to Boston had the UUs to get me through the first lonely year, but I inevitably found a differently focused social group. 

Fast-forward to last night-
I see in Facebook that a friend who is now in Boston but someone I knew from my earliest UU days had posted a picture. He'd lit a candle for another of our YRUU compatriots, A-, someone I'd not been particularly close to and had not really thought much about for the better part of 15 years. This guy's been in the hospital with a failed liver for a few weeks and there's been a ton of chatter on the YRUU group page, but thanks to my filtering and lack of attention, I never a whisper about it until last night, and now I'm catching up with my concern and just looking back. I have no idea if he'll pull out of this. He's my age, though, and really- livers should last longer than that. 

Some observations-
It's been so long since I really-really thought about my old friends and my old life, I started to doubt a bit that it was that much of a thing. But, no. They were very important to me. I'd say 80% of my friends in college were associated with the UUs. Maybe more. I went to weekly meetings, held office within the group, helped organize fundraising and events- all of it. Some people had Greek life, I had the Unitarians. My tribe. How could I lose track of something so central to my life? Why did I forget it? (she asks rhetorically, then answers pedantically)- Because life is like that. Filled with overlapping things, hopefully mostly good things. And as Robin pointed out at lunch, we can as humans only keep track of about 150 people at a time with great feeling. This feels true. Even if we had the miracles of all the current social media, not just college email accounts and the most rudimentary internet- I still might have slipped through and on.  I was filling my life with new: people, place, activities.

This is a horrible situation and I hate that someone who is still in the prime of life is struggling to breathe and make it through the day. It's scary and thinking about it very hard makes me want to hide under my desk or the equivalent thereof. However, if A- had not gotten sick, if his friends hadn't used that YRUU page on Facebook to keep the rest updated, I'd have never known, not thought about them or that time in my life. Now I am and I remember bits and pieces: how they made me feel better after years of being teased in school. They reveled in my weird. They expected weird. So, despite this bad, there is some good coming out of it. Let the universe be kind. Let A- get out of this and has several decades more.

Light a candle, think a thought, say a prayer, play a song, look at pictures, hug the hugs: whatever it is that you do when you are scared for someone and you can't do anything to intervene. And really, this isn't just for A. It's for ricevermicelli, who has been on my mind so much the last few weeks, and I can't do anything for her, either. And for the others out there, beyond my scope worrying and struggling. Love to you all. 

I tried out beah 's suggested yoga place this morning. Of course the bus, which is normally pretty reasonable, decided to be 15 minutes late, which made me 5 minutes late after wandering up n' down Elm St. trying to find the entrance to the very subtly marked door to the 2nd floor. "We didn't put out the sandwich board because of the rain" (It wasn't raining and hadn't been for at least an hour)- Did I bring my own mat? No. I don't have one. I don't have blocks ner nuthin'. Also, I am entirely not-bendy. I ended up behind a guy who is triangle shaped, about 1% body fat, and could easily be in a tumbling circus group. In fact, for all I know he might already be. Said dude turns out to be someone the instructor knows and apparently she threw in a lot of weird stuff particularly for him. Great.
The instructor's baseline for the class is a lot more than I think I want to do, weird stuff notwithstanding. However, there's also a class Wednesday morning that's run by someone else. I went with an unlimited 2 week pass and maybe I'll find something that is more me. More basic. 
I am very resistant to doing things new because I hate-hate-hate this feeling of being a fish out of water, being awkward and confused. But I did it. I will go back and try again- even this class. If the bus lets me.

I'm planning my honeymoon 10 years after the fact. I asked a friend of mine who travels often for the name of her agent. Friend in question is my mom's age, so maybe this gave the agent the impression I was a well off middle aged woman kicking back and living off my husband's wealth in Lexington. Ok, now I'm really laughing at that image.

I've never gone on a vacation like this ever. When I travel, it's in the fashion of dead-broke student backpacker begging a bed from a friend or relative. So, I just about passed out when the woman quoted an approximation of 5-6K for two people to go to the Caribbean. Every other person had my reaction. Today she comes back with something in the 7K range. Specifically, 7209.74. Lemme just go rob a bank now. My response was unless she could pretty much cut that in half, I was headed off to do something entirely different. buxom_bey has promised me the name of her agent.

One of the things I forgot to do yesterday before heading to Danny's to Leather-Elf was take my allergy meds. That place: it's a requirement. So liighting gave me some Benadryl. I am more of an Allegra/Claratin taker, and I don't recall the last time I used the Big B to fight microbes. Fast forward 2 1/2 hours and I'm STONED. Reaction times are off by a good 3-5 seconds, slurring words, and way too giggly even for me.
"Are you safe to ride your motorcycle home?"
....
Oh. I waited to long to answer that, didn't I. I guess not.
My fellow elf, Ariel, was kind enough to drive me home. I fed him some apple pie as a thank you.
In all the years I've ridden, this was a first. So! Now I need to retrieve the bike from Charlestown. If anyone's bored and looking for something to do this afternoon, let me know.
In the meantime, I'm waiting for a rep from the water company to show up to relocate our meter, which is apparently not in a helpful location for reading.

I went to Cambridge Brewing Company to visit with my Cleveland friends and their (now my) Attleboro friends. I took Storrow to get there and apparently when I was rounding the corner at Charles MGH, my phone fell out of my pocket. I go to look for my phone when I get off the bike, I check for messages, but... no phone. Um.... I was certain I had it when I left, so when I meet up with the boys, I check back home via Dale's cell. Then I call my phone when K says it's not visible inside or outside. Lo, but someone answers and we met up after he was done at the Watermelon Festival (at The Common), and in the meantime I hung out with entirely faaaaaabulous guys. People are awesome.
Lesson to self: No objects in my back pocket while I'm on the bike. I'm going to find a holster soon.

This came up today in the course of conversation.
Situation: There's a problem between 2 parties. A wants something from B.Money and information being the top condenders on this one. A will continue to contact B until the issue is resolved, but B steadfastly ignores all communication even though the easier path is to give in and DO it already. A doesn't want blood, afterall. Or do they?? The Red Cross are a tricky bunch.
Would someone like to wade in with theories as to why B chooses this less comfortable path?

Someone turned in my wallet. With everything in it. ROCK!!!!!!

The dream I had this morning: I was on a rollercoaster in vegas. Also, vegas was one very ugly hotel with crappy games that were not remotely interesting to play. Arisia has more fun games to play than this place.

As opposed to the real world... where blood is thicker than talent. quiet_elegance's job evaporates in 2 weeks. The boss is taking his son back to work for him, you see after son attempted to strike out on his own elsewhere. The usual requests re: carpenters & jobs.

EDIT: While I appreciate the offers of sympathy, I feel like I'm a cross between can in static storm who is without a dryer sheet and the proveribal falling bowl of petunias: "oh no. not again." What I most need right now are things to cheer me up: solutions, humor, or even stories of shared woe.

After reading docorion's last post about a doomed man, I decided that nothing I was doing at work was a worthy use of my time so after some deliberation decided that the best way out was the honest one: told the keeper of the hours to clock me 2 vacation hours and headed to food therapy in the form of the North End and Haymarket. $18 and two nigh-on to breaking arms later, I headed back to the homestead with many many good things. In the face of unstoppable sadness, it is one's duty to find a way to express one's appreciation for life. Be well, all.